Private Retreats For Couples:
When You Love Each Other, But
Feel The Itch For Change.
“Pamela Madsen is an author and blogger, a life, sexuality, intimacy and fertility coach. She has been called a pioneer, a visionary, a leader and a risk-taker. But forget all those words. Who she really is, is Love. Her heart is wide open- to herself, and to the world, and being around her was, for me, an invitation in each moment to join her in the pleasure of being wholly, delightfully alive, as me.”
It can go like this: You want sex and your partner doesn't. Or your partner wants sex and you don't. Or it seems like neither one of you wants sex and are more interested in watching Netflix. What's up with that? You know that you love each other and yet the idea of sex is just not that exciting and that seems somehow wrong. What then?
The issues of sexual desire, unmet erotic needs, mismatched libidos, and the ravages of time in a long-term relationship or marriage are among the most common rants of the sex unhappy. I know, not only because I work with hundreds of women and couples who are living it right now, but because I have been a sex unhappy wife.
I had the guts to do something about it and managed to stay married (34 years this summer). Yes, I was a child bride.
Couples can become sex unhappy for so many reasons. We have: mismatched time clocks, work pressures, family pressures, our sexual tastes can change over time including what turns us on, and married sex can fall into a boring routine. As my husband so clearly put it in an interview: "We knew exactly what was going to happen every time we had sex." And then there is self image -- many men get concerned about their erections as they get older, and many women get sexually shut down by their relationship with their own bodies. Illness can change our bodies and our sexual appetites. It can be a lot to deal with breast cancer or prostate cancer and face some very real shifts in how we function in our bodies erotically. One thing is for sure, the sex unhappy marriage is a painful place to hang out in.
As a sex unhappy survivor, I think it's important to understand that it's normal for sexual desire to wane a bit in a long-term relationship. I don't think people are always honest when they participate in surveys about how often they have sex and that creates a feeling that "something must be wrong with us". People don't want other people to know what is going on in their bedrooms. It's scary. They worry about being judged, or that they or their relationship is somehow broken.
Being sexual with each other is a choice. And you need to be willing to put aside time, and attention for each other. This is all about doing something different and breaking the pattern that you are in. If you have reached a place in your relationship where you are ready to try on making a change from sexually hungry to sexually satisfied; that's where I come in. We can start with Skype and couple sex coaching or we can plan an exciting "Private Couple's Retreat". I can work alone, or with one of my male colleagues.
Some of the areas that we will support you with are:
1. What is true is that we talk a lot about sex -- but rarely to the person that we are having sex with.
Having the sex talk, especially if you are unhappy, is probably the most vulnerable conversation a couple can have. Often we feel shut down around the sex conversation because we worry that our partner won't accept our true desires, or worse -- that they will judge us or leave us. We will help you do this in a safe and wonderful way. We will help you open the conversation with your partner. Have a sex inquiry with them. Ask questions such as "What would you like that you are not getting?" without hurting each other. The way we do guided sex talks it's more like a game. You will feel laugh and giggle, get vulnerable and connect with each other. Promise.
2. Talk honestly about being sexually bored.
It happens! Honestly, sexual boredom is one of the biggest reasons we stop having sex with each other! Perhaps it's time to take your sexuality with your partner out of the bedroom. That's why we are on a "Private Couples" Retreat!
And let's be clear, I'm talking about way more than having sex on the kitchen counter (even though that can be fun!). We will take you on a sexploration vacation. Here's the thing: no one really teaches us how to touch, speak our desires, and play erotically. Most of us learned about sex being quiet and quick. It was about shame, not getting pregnant or caught or catching an STD. Even if your sexuality evolved with more sexual freedom than that -- most of us never learn to play erotically. Everyone needs to shake off the sexual cobwebs from our relationship. Trust me, you're not going to do this by reading a book or simply wishing for something different. You actually need to take action and that could take some courage, time and money. It's so worth it. We will plan it together and it will not only be incredibly fun, this retreat will shift your relationship with sexuality forever.
3. Stop thinking about intercourse and put the focus on outercourse.
We work a lot with massage tables. And we will teach you about giving and receiving touch to each other! Really! I do this with all of the couples that I work with -- and it's a winner. Putting your attention on each other on a massage table is a brand new experience for many people. And with some creativity, the massage table can become a brand new sex toy. We will teach you all the different ways to touch each other. Don't worry. This is safe, fun and life changing.
4. The Art of Being Sexually Playful
My co-facilitator and I will teach you sex games and take you on sex adventures. We will play with flirting, dancing and dining and teach you how to bring in the sexy new experiences. You and your partner will share in the sexy fun together and bring home lots of happy memories. A private retreat is like one huge sex game. Have the courage to do something different. Sometimes you just have to lean into your fear and do it. You can have a sex happy marriage even in a long-term one. It takes a lot of vulnerability, less talk about being unhappy and more action into changing your situation! And remember, sex is like our economy. It has its ups and downs -- but that doesn't mean you can't be in it for a very happy and fulfilling lifetime.
We work with all kinds of couples. Straight, LGBTQ and Gender Variant.
Together, we plan the location of your private retreat. Once you know where you want to have it; we create a budget and I take care of everything else. Literally, everything else. You and your partner simply arrive; and sex camp begins.
Just scroll down to get your free 15 minute consultation and to register. You can rest assured that all inquiries and client lists are kept confidential.
Let’s talk. I can help you make this happen
We will have fun together! We will talk about your situation, and the how, what and where of a Private Retreat. There are many options. Please email me and we will set up a time to have a free 15 minute conversation to see if we are a match! I try very hard to set up a consultation within days of your request. So reach out to Pamela@Backtothebody.org or using the contact form below and we can get started.
If you want to learn about my journey, check out my book!
