Maybe it is my age, or the age of my friends. But we all seem to be going through exactly the same stuff - just in different forms. We take turns talking about lovers, husbands, partners and how we are able to take care of ourselves while we ride the roller coaster of relationships.

We talk about the intensity; our the desires and the pain. The questions about whether or not to go forward and how do you let go. We worry about regret and how to take care of others while taking care of ourselves.

The problem seems to be in assuming that there is one truth, one deep authentic truth, about a relationship... and whether people admit that or not they tend to hold onto a universal wonder that sounds something like this: "I will never truly know how he/she feels in his heart about me".

Well, most likely, neither will he or she. We don't settle on one truth forever. Emotions move and flow, and if you think you can keep them in a box, forget about it. They will never stay the same.

Real life is much more nuanced and paradoxical . Plus the deeper the relationship, the more obvious the extremes.

Think about some of your hottest relationships. You may experience ongoing waves of emotion. One day yes, one day no. Sometimes, you can swing between these extremes for months and months and months.

This, to me, is not a sign of vacillation or weakness but a keen observation of how it works to be human.

To my eyes and heart, the highs are in intimate lockstep with the lows... it's like pushing a child on a swing, back and forth... the swing can't go further forward without also going further back...

Once I stopped believing this should be different than it is, I fell into the most amazing peace... embracing the highs and lows as they come.

Come on, I have shared with you here a that secret most people would never believe: that there's an intimate connection between pleasure and pain... more intensity in one brings more intensity in the other.

It's the same here with emotions and "truth". Pulling back allows a deeper penetration... separating sets the stage for merge...

Sometimes, we have to suck it up, breathe through it, surrender to the simple truth of it. The essence of passion is paradox. The essence of comfort is predictability. What do you want?

This is simply how the process works.

If you feel like you are drowning in your relationship. That the high and lows are flooding your soul, I am here to say that you are not drowning. Whatever you choose will be perfect. These deep karmic relationships have a life of their own and people make up stories about why they make the choices that they do. But this is waaaay beyond rational choice or even emotional choice at times. Trust your body. You will know when to step forward, and when to step back... your body is telling you... now that you have opened your body, it can be your guide and compass. You are doing the work. Now you can fire on all cylinders.

Enjoy the waves.

Loving you from here,

Pamela

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