You can't out travel sadness. Better to plumb it's depths. Open your mouth and swallow sadness as if it's your lover. Embrace despair, wrap your legs around it and have your way with it. Because if you can really go there, sadness can both heat you up and make you shiver. If you let it, sadness can help you redefine ecstasy and springboard you into a brand new life. Really.
What if You Could Love Your Sadness?
I am not used to feeling deeply sad. The kind of sad that one might call grief. Most of us aren't used to deep sadness because life events that can bring it on are not often common occurrences. And like most people, I was willing to do anything to move through the feelings. But this deep sadness was with me, the way the curves of my body was with me. It slid down the curves of my breasts, and ran into my belly before it made it's way over my round hips to the ground that I walked on.
I could not escape it in my dreams or in my day. It was the taste of my food. The words on my lips. I would have done anything to get rid of it. Ditch my life. Burn down the house. Go on retreat. Or make a deal that perhaps I didn't even want, just to end the pain. I was writhing with it.
I was willing to accept the unacceptable just to make the pain go away. Because when you are in this kind of sadness you might be willing to do anything to run away from it. You want it gone. You want it healed. You want it over.
I think we are not given permission to be sad, in the same way we are not given permission to be sexy or passionate. I don't think we are given the tools to deal with sadness the way we are not given the tools to be fully sexual.
And if I'm committed to be in touch with my sexiness why wouldn't I be committed to be in touch with my sadness? Why couldn't I love my sadness the same way that I loved the curve of my hips? After all, sadness is a part of me and a messenger. So I decided to be open to my sadness the way that I am open to my orgasm.
I sat down and remembered other times that I had been this sad. The sadness didn't last forever even when I thought it would. Eventually deep sadness when allowed to simply hang out until it's heals - leaves.
I have come to realize that my sadness truly is a messenger and a guide post. My sadness just like my sexiness wants to be heard. Sadness does not want to be buried, or covered over. It wants attention and loving presence and honesty. I get it. Sadness makes me incredibly uncomfortable, like my cat who enjoys sitting on my chest in the middle of the night. It can be heavy and make me feel my heart beat. Sadness can tighten my throat and shorten my attention span. Sadness can make me walk in circles and seek out remedies because I am sure at time that sadness will break me. But it doesn't.
Sadness requires my own compassion for me. It demands my time and attention.
Sadness is how I grow wings and embrace my own power.
I feel like I need to permission sadness just the way I permission sexiness.
You can even be sexy and sad. Take it in and live your sadness. Allow it to have it's way with you. After all, it's like a fever isn't it? You toss and turn with it. So sweat it out until the last bit of it is laying on your sheets.
When you are done, the sadness so ripe and hot will feel different. You will see the world differently. You may make different decisions, if you let your sadness have it's way with you instead of making deals to make the sadness go away.
Sadness is the opportunity for change and can bring you up close and personal again with our desires and our truth. You know the questions: Who am I? What do I really want? And what is getting in the way? You may decide to make a U Turn in your life. You may decide to walk away from something big. You may decide to stay no matter what anyone else in your life thinks about your choices. Perhaps your sadness is giving you the opportunity and the forward motion to change.
Just be with it.
Sadness can be opportunity.
And when it is time for sadness to make it's exit. Blow it a kiss. And thank your sadness for coming. I am sure that it's time was filled with gifts.
The ReBirthing of You
You are going to start hearing the word "reBirthing" from me a lot. Right next to "Back to The Body" because I think it's about our bodies and the constant ability to allow a new self to come through. It is about change and transformation which is something that I am devoting my life to. Not just for you - as a coach, muse, and educator. But for me. I am constantly looking at who I am, and the patterns that make up my life. I am a change and transformation junkie - and it's not always easy. There may be labor pains. You may need support. Tons of it. When I am in the midst of a Rebirthing of my own self, I call in the troops to support me. I'm doing that right now in my own life. Sometimes, I scream with the pain of my own labor as I allow my newest powerful Pamela to come forth. Sometimes, I don't get the help I ask for. And sometimes, I do. This is reBirth and not everyone can hold you. You need to find the people that can and surround yourself with them. And like any labor, it will be worth it. That I can promise you.
I can't believe that in my life of change and transformation that I am approaching a new frontier again. Didn't I just do that? But here it is, a new frontier with new ideas and responses. My priorities are changing.
What about you? Here are a few of the tell tale signs that you are about to shed a skin and reinvent yourself again:
* an impulsive decision to do something out of character
*a willingness to take a calculated risk into the unknown
*a determination to make contact with ones' authentic self and tap into the true passion there
*a desire to become a source of truth about life for the next generation
*the delicious freedom of looking the latest expectation in a life time of expectation in the eye and saying "not me, not now!"
Do you feel the twitch? Perhaps that's why you hang out with me. Because I love to ask the question; "What's next?" Maybe you find that question challenging and exciting. You might find that in this new place that you let go of drawing from your past experiences. What was, may no longer fit all. As the journey goes forward you may need to get to know this new persona a little bit. Welcome your new outlook, new confidence, new dreams. We are not programmed to fade away. As we move into this place of rebirthing ourselves, we might find that we are better suited to new challenges than we ever were in the past. As you move forward in your new explorations, this unfamiliar persona, this mischievous Tinkerbell at our ear, matures into the voice we count on most. It gets stronger, more authoritative , more philosophical, more courageous.
People rebirthing themselves, in their second adult hood are different than anyone else. They tell the truth.
Listen to your voice. Listen to your body.
Loving you from here,
Pamela
A Recipe For Change
So you want to change your life? I've got the recipe for you, and it's very simple. Recipe to Change One's Life:
Directions....
1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions. Got it?
Loving you from here,
Pamela
Re-Inventing Yourself Again
I think it has finally happened. I am in firmly in my second adult hood. I am not who I was, only older. I am approaching a new frontier in my own life with new ideas and responses. My priorities are changing. What about you? Here are a few of the tell tale signs that you are about to shed a skin and reinvent yourself again:
* an impulsive decision to do something out of character
*a willingness to take a calculated risk into the unknown
*a determination to make contact with ones' authentic self and tap into the true passion there
*a desire to become a source of truth about life for the next generation
*the delicious freedom of looking the latest expectation in a life time of expectation in the eye and saying "not me, Not now!"
Do you feel the twitch? Perhaps that is why you are here, in this community. Answering the question "What is next?" is challenging. You might not draw on your past experiences. What was, may no longer fit all. As the journey goes forward you may need to get to know this new persona a little bit. Welcome your new outlook, new confidence, new dreams. We are not programmed to fade away. As we move into this place of reinventing ourselves, we might find that we are better suited to new challenges than we ever were in the past. As you move forward in your new explorations, this unfamiliar persona, this mischievous Tinkerbell at our ear, matures into the voice we count on most. It gets stronger, more authoritative , more philosophical, more courageous.
People reinventing themselves, in their second adult hood are different than anyone else. They tell the truth.
Listen to your voice.
Loving you from here,
Pamela
