The Season Of Your Discontent

I know that feeling. It's the "Season of Your Discontent" and it can feel like anxiety or restlessness, or sadness, or even depression. And here is the thing: If you don't change directions, you are going to end up where you're headed. And you might really love where you are going and you might really be more than fine with where you land. And you might stay in that season of discontent for a really long time. I'm not sure when it hits. And I think it hits at different times for different people.

It's that feeling of being restless, annoyed, bored, just a little pissed off all the time, and being full of feelings we just can't name. And some of "the restless" are too scared to change direction; they are stuck like a sailboat caught in "irons". They can't move, but they are right on course.

Dear Restless, this blog is for you. I believe that if you stay on the course you are on, you will go from numb to bitter to destroyed.

But here's the deal, if you find it within yourself to do something different something will change. And I can pretty much nail the outcome for you.

You will awaken. And trust me, there is nothing like "awakening".

I know - awakening sounds incredibly sexy, messy and scary to some people. Let's face it. This may mean letting go of a lot of our stories. The biggest one that might need to go first - is letting go of our hunger for approval.

You may actually need to say "No", and we are going to do things my way for a change. You might need to "spend" time on yourself. You may need to do something completely out of the box that you might not even want anyone to know about. You may need to actually spend money, find baby sitters for your children or care takers for your parents, or tell your partner that you are taking off for a bit.

What if there was pleasure outside of the pleasure of pleasing and "getting it right"?

Whoa! I get it - you might face some pretty annoyed folks who are used to you playing just the same way you have always played. And if you are anything at all like me, you hate getting it wrong, being rejected, judged or criticized. I have been a people pleasing addict for most of my life. It hurts me more than anything to feel like I have failed someone. But you are giving away your creative and spiritual life in order to be "Liked" and "Respected".

And what about failing yourself? How alive, awake, turned on are you willing to be? All I know is that life is going by very fast these days. Maybe it always was. But I am feeling it more and more.

I think it might be time for all of us to change direction. It's time to get serious about what we really want in our lives. What about pleasure, joy, a feeling of true accomplishment about something you really care about? Is it time to shift your perspective and perhaps your priorities?

Please don't tell me that now is not the time, but you are going to do "This" soon. That you really want "This". But you have to save more money, or the time is not right, or you are too fat, or too old, or too stuck and nothing ever works anyway.

It's time to experiment with radical imagination and live your great big sexy life. Go on, create a" title "Pleasure Plan" and get someone on your team. If that's not me, then get someone else. But get yourself an professional cheerleader, mess maker, advocate and ball breaker! Someone who will laugh with you when you fall on your butt and clap for you when you get up. Someone who will pull you by your resistant ankles who you will kiss on the mouth later!

But do something. I promise you this; if you don't get some crazy ass new stuff on your calender you will stay on the same course. Really. I know. If you need to justify this - I promise you that your work will get better. You will be more creative and more abundant. You will look more beautiful without doing a thing. Life will start paying attention to you in ways you just can't imagine.

And if you make a great big fucking mistake - does it really matter? Trust me, the purple will wash out of your hair!

The Guts To Do Something Different

I know, I have talked about doing something different before. I will again. Because it is such a big, important skill set to learn. It takes guts to do something different.  In somatic sex education (through the body) we talk a lot about re-wiring neural pathways to sexual pleasure. That is what can happen when you do hands on work with a somatic sex practitioner. It is an amazing experience.
But there is also another piece to the puzzle on sex and relationship, and that is reprogramming our emotional neural pathways. What happens when you begin to feel restless, unsettled, anxious? Can you stop a minute and notice the hotness? That moment when you instantly grab for something? You know the something....that thing that you do when you are in one of those moments. Do you constantly threaten to leave your relationship? Do you withdraw? Abuse a substance? Throw things? Is it the same thing that you do repeatedly? Does it get you anywhere different? My guess, is that it doesn't. Think about doing something different ahead of time. What do you want to feel? How do you get there?

When you feel it coming on, just stop for a minute. And bring in your pre-planned new pattern of behavior or wing it! It can be really hard to do this. We want to reach for the familiar because even in it's dysfunction - it comforts us. Ask for support for this change in response from your friends, lovers, partners, therapists and coaches. It is through this constant paying attention and witnessing of our own emotional reactions that we can create the sexy, playful, beautiful experiences that we want to fill our lives.

 

An Invitation to do Something Different....

It has begun. The time between Thanksgiving and New Years where we prepare for Winter with celebration before we officially turn inward to the time of resting, re renewal and gentle change. Today is "Black Friday" and the world is out shopping. I find myself doing something different. I am reading old letters. Letters of love, sex, and anticipation. Letters of heart break and misunderstanding. Do you ever do that? Go back and read your life? Recount the memories? Touch the soft spots? Long for more of them? A beautiful man sent me this poem a long time ago. He loved me and wanted to know what made up the marrow of my bones. The poem below still speaks of the truth that I seek in myself, in my friends, in my beloveds. I share it with you on this day of consuming....it's a different kind of invitation.

Read this. And then think about sharing something tender with another or yourself. Write about something deep in your heart that connects you to what is real. Blog it. Mail it. Text it. Reach out today and share something authentic.Start a conversation. Be generous with love. Move a heart in your life. Today doesn't have to be about leftovers and shopping. It can be something different.....

An Invitation:

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreams for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon... I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes."

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Loving you from here,

Pamela