Pamela and Mac Are Coming to Atlanta, GA and Asheville, NC!

I'm so excited! Sex educator, Mac S. McGregor and I are coming to the Atlanta, Georgia area AND Asheville, North Carolina (March 20th through 23rd in Asheville and leaving the Atlanta Area on the 24th). We are in town to speak at a conference, running a weekend of diverse workshops, find the workshop information here: https://www.facebook.com/events/773943422687523/ with two other incredible beings (Monique Darling and Peter Petersen). PLUS, Mac and I are offering private sessions for singles and couples (all genders and sexual orientations), while we are in the area. This is our first time teaching together and offering private sessions in Atlanta and Asheville.

Don't miss us. We don't want to miss you! Do you want to talk about the offerings and possibilities? Consultations are complimentary.

Shoot me an email at Pamela@backtothebody.org!

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Becoming An Artist of The Erotic

This is True and Fucking Big: Nothing expands me, rips me open and leaves me more vulnerable than love, desire, and the erotic. I remain in awe of it's power to turn my life upside and make my heart beat funny. This triple treat of human emotion's relentless invitation to me to drop my shit, trust, expand, be willing, lean in and love can toss my heart and soul around like a tiny boat on a huge restless ocean.And I will be a hot mess, until I'm done. And a resting place of realization fills my body and soul. Just like this time. Love, Desire, and the Erotic ask us to constantly be willing to be seen naked and raw. It's relentless in it's challenges to us to see things through a different lens. Just try to understand the erotic. I double dare you.

It's mostly impossible to nail down. It can be beyond challenging to understand what turns me on in the way that it turns me on and what turns you on in the way that it turns you on. Sometimes, they fit together like the perfect puzzle pieces and sometimes, it's more challenging. Sometimes, what is hot for me, is less so for you. But we are dating, lovers, life partners? What then?

And there can be boundaries. And fuck can those sometimes feel "personal". Those places where you are invited and those places where you are asked not to tread. Where those welcome mats are placed and removed can shake us to the core. Boundaries can feel restrictive, but when you really look inside they can create enormous freedom. Draw a circle and then stand instead of it. Can you feel all the space to create and dance in? That's a part of the erotic. And It's the speaking and the listening that can also build the fire of intimacy and create the safety for more air to get in if we can handle the discomfort. Can you digest all of this?

Here's the lesson: Can you play in all of that and feel hot, turned on, and desired? Can you learn to expand your own erotic dance within all of that, in a way that is both a turn on to you and your partner within erotic boundaries, turn ons, and the great unknown? Can you hang in there for the erotic evolution that is all of our sexuality? It's big right? It's an edge. It might even be fucking awesome if you allow yourself to become an artist of the erotic.

Cultivating Your Erotic Imagination

To truly experience what it is to have sexual freedom, we need to cultivate our erotic imagination.  For each of us, our sexual freedom lies in our ability and willingness to create a sexuality of our very own. Forget normal.  In truth, what works for doctors and some psychotherapists putting the human experiences into boxes of normal and not normal does not always serve us when it comes to sexuality. What if we were each invited to view our sexuality as a work of art, and I handed you a blank canvas that was the size of the biggest wall you had ever seen, and an endless supply of colorful paints, pencils and markers. What if I invited you to fill this tremendous blank canvas with your erotic desires? What if you felt truly free enough to create your very own sexuality without shame, judgement or inhibitions?

The human erotic imagination may be one of the golden keys to having an extraordinary sex life.  So many of us are raised with a spoken and unspoken understanding of what is allowable when it comes to having sex.  We are raised with this idea of what is "normal' and "approved" and what is not.  Quite literally,  for many of us our erotic imagination get's shut down and we are left with a very short list of what is allowable for us in our expression of sexuality. Everything else is somehow made "taboo" or "dirty" or "not normal".

That leaves us with either filled with shame over desires that we may think are wrong, or we simply become numbed out to the possibilities.

For others, we may simply have not explored how to cultivate our erotic imagination.  So what makes up our erotic imagination? What are some tools to free up and explore our erotic imagination:

  • Sexual fantasy is a great starting ground.  Allowing ourselves to travel freely in our own mind and explore without shame or putting any labels of judgement around our sexual fantasies.
  • Reading erotica and romance novels can be a great place to put your erotic flint to stone.
  • Wandering through a sex toy shop can also be a great place to cultivate your erotic imagination. Walk around and handle the toys. Often there are books and videos to explore as well.
  • Explore the idea of sexuality being playful.  When we play we are free to get things wrong, experiment, try on different roles, laugh and even be foolish. What if we looked at sexuality as play?
  • Put on costumes.  And this idea is not just limited to women.  Erotic lingerie can be a wonderful tool to assist our erotic imaginations. I know men who put on superman boxer shorts to get into the mood.  Are they exploring their erotic imagination? I think so.

We can all cultivate our own erotic imagination and create a sexuality of our very own.  Let go of "normal" and invite in exploration and play.  The possibilities for sexual expression is as vast and limitless as the human mind. Come play.

 

 

When Did Sex Get So Serious? Can Sex Be Play?

When was the last time sex felt playful to you? Have you ever had a great big belly laugh with your partner during sex or leading up to sex? Have we all gotten lost in the Orgasm Olympics and forgot that sex is not as much about achievement as it is about pleasure? These days I am wondering about playful sex. The kind of sexual interaction between two people that is actually super fun, filled with anticipation, giggles and a sense of silly adventure.  If we can let go of performance can we bring back the fun?

I have a few ideas to get you started:

1. Go to a sex toy shop with your partner.  You each grab a basket and separate. You get about a half hour.  Spend time with the toys. Let your imagination wander. Pick out toys, books, videos, or anything else that you would like to experiment with. Your partner does the same. Meet by the vibrators or the lube at the appointed time and look into each others baskets. What's there? Any surprises? Now, you each get to pick three items from each other baskets that look like something that could be fun to try or experiment with. Go home. Play.

2. Buy sex dice. Sex Dice is a game created to add play back into sex.  Instead of numbers, each face on the die contains the name of a body part; the body part that faces up when the die is rolled must then be given sexual attention. It's fun. It's silly. It creates an atmosphere of playfulness. And it extends foreplay. They are inexpensive. Go on. Play dice.

3. Play Seven Minutes in Heaven! Are you old enough to remember that game? It was created by somebody in the 1950's and enjoyed by teenagers at parties. Two people are selected to go into a closet or other dark enclosed space and do whatever they like for seven minutes. In my version of the game, you get seven minutes to consequentially enjoy your partners body.  You may ask if you can touch your partners breasts for seven minutes or kiss or even tickle their feet.  Remember to take turns! Put on a egg timer to help you play fair and keep track of time.

Come on.  We are never to old to play. And taking the time to bring the play back into sex can really help you get your sexy on.

Want to learn more? Join me and  Mac S. McGregor, sex educators and intimacy coaches for a playful, sexy, interactive discussion filled with helpful ideas to bring the play back in your sex life.

In this tele-seminar we will bring you suggestions on how to reconnect through erotic play and laughter.

You will learn about new toys for couples, role play and how to set up scene for playful hot laughter filled sex.

When was the last time you played with sex? Perhaps it's time to change your perspective.

Join us! You will laugh, learn and get ready to bring the sexy back into your life! All genders and sexual orientations are welcome at this tele-conference. Self Register using the link!

The Power of The Erotic

We have put the erotic in a box. Say the word erotic and many people conjure up images of partner sex, pornography and lap dances. Nothing wrong with that. But what if the erotic could be seen through a different lens. What if the erotic (sexual energy) could be harnessed to power up all aspects of your life? What if you could get in touch with the erotic as life force energy and use it not only as fuel for orgasm, but also as fuel for your creativity and every other aspect of your life? What if your erotic knowledge is also a potential inner guide, like a sensually fueled GPS navigation system that you can tune into?

Most people want to live a fully expressed life. The question always comes down to how do we get there? My belief is that you already have what you need and it is held in your body. The issue is that this inner knowledge and power has been carefully suppressed. The erotic is so powerful that throughout the ages, people have been frightened of it. We have been cultured out of our own powerful inner knowledge because once we are connected to our inner guides and have access to the erotic as life force energy - we are harder to control.  We have been  shamed into a kind of sexless submission.

If  can learn to live from inside of our bodies outward to the world, not being frightened of the power of our own erotic energy to guide us we will be able to get in touch with our deepest feelings  and let go of the numbness that afflicts so many.  Being fully empowered and connected to our bodies is an act against oppression.  It is through this inner knowledge that we can get in touch with our desires and create change not only in our lives, the lives of our families but also the world.

What we want to create in our lives begin with our ability to know our desires. The foundational step is to know your desire. When we learn to harness our own erotic engine we can dare to know our desires and to be powerful in our lives.

Change is scary and but it is only through change that we can grow.  You cannot harness someone else erotic energy for very long. You can use it to inspire yourself to find your own. But we each need to know, cultivate and access our own inner flame.

And in order to do that, you must first be willing to believe that you have it.

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Workshops!

Pamela is teaching in NYC and Seattle in October and November!

Join Pamela Madsen and Monique Darling in NYC on October 12th.

Female Erotic Confidence: The Art of Being Soft and Strong in NYC.  Learn more here!

Join Pamela Madsen and Lori Berkowitz on October 26th in NYC for

Seducing Our Own Beauty: A Very Unique Play Shop for Women

Learn more here

Join Pamela Madsen in Seattle on November 21 and 22nd for "Portal into The Feminine" a mini retreat at the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture  Learn more here:

Back to the Body: Sensual Retreats for Women is Sold Out for Tuscany in September and our Core Program in Victoria, BC. We have opened Registration for February 12th through 17th. Four spots are left.  Back to the Body is limited to six women.  Learn more about Back to the Body here.

Join Pamela and Monique For "Female Erotic Confidence: The Art of Being Soft and Powerful"

“The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic.  The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire.”― Audre Lorde, Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power

"Female Erotic Confidence: The Art of Being Soft and Powerful" is the dream child workshop of two pioneering sex educators Pamela Madsen and Monqiue Darling.  

The erotic is the deepest life force energy there is. As women we are taught to suppress it instead of harnessing it's power. In this five hour  all female playshop we explore what it is to have erotic confidence and how to harness it for our lives.

Perhaps you have never heard the term "Erotic Intelligence", Erotic Guides" or even "Uses of the Erotic". Most women live outside ourselves, and rely on external forces, input and directives to guide our lives rather than from our internal knowledge and needs. When we tune out our own internal erotic guides we limit our capacity for creativity, sexual expression, pleasure, and our own ability to be powerful in our careers. This workshop will introduce you to your own internal guide perhaps for the first time, or take you deeper of the power of the erotic within ourselves.

1. Guided meditation into listening to our own internal erotic guide. 2. Exploring our full female expression and how we hold those emotions in our bodies. 3. Examine why we keep ourselves small erotically and practice opening ourselves up to our greatness 4. Delve deeper in our sexual desire and learn to honor, access and express it. 5. Investigate how the voices of our internal guide shift with each life change from menstruation to menopause. 6. Confront our hunger in every form from sexuality, to food, to money. 7.Tell the stories of our bodies. 8. Learn to access and work with our Arousal and Orgasm as a holistic tool for healing and transformation in our lives.

In a circle of women we will  begin to loosen the shackles that bind your heart and tongue as you find your divine reflection through each person you interact with.  We will witness each other with clarity and unconditional love and you will emerge transformed.

When:

October 12th, 2014 1:30 to 6:30pm

Location: A private studio in NYC (location will be given after registration)

Cost: $100.00

Get your ticket! You can still come today. We have room for five more women!

https://femaleeroticconfidence.eventbrite.com

 

GENERAL INFO * Please eat before you arrive. * This is a guided event * Please arrive at 1:30 * Doors will be locked at 2pm

WHAT TO BRING: * Nesting area - cushions, blankets, and anything soft and fuzzy to make your own personal nest on the floor * a blindfold * a closed water bottle

About Your Facilitators:

Pamela Madsen, NYC, NY  is an integrative life coach specializing in the issues of women with a concentration on sexuality and self image. Pamela is the Founder of The American Fertility Association and Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women. She is the author of "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner" (Rodale Press) and sexuality blogger for sites such as Psychology Today, Care.2 and Better After 50. http://www.PamelaMadsen.org and http://www.backtothebody.org

Monique Darling, San Diego, CA, is the founder of Juicy Enlightenment which provides workshops and experiential play-shops in the art of Tantra and conscious loving. She has studied and taught with renowned Tantra teachers and extraordinary workshop facilitators since 1990 and is a certified Cuddle Party Facilitator. She has been featured on TLC and The Dr’s and has been interviewed by magazines across the USA. Monique is dedicated to empowering others utilizing her vast repertoire of cutting-edge teachings. She specializes in helping others reclaim their power and natural sensuality by transmuting fear and repression into courage, self-love and freedom. She guides from a place of understanding and her natural exuberance is infectious! She is available for private sessions, experiential workshops and Cuddle Parties. www.juicyenlightenment.com