The Orgasmic Edge: A Sex Tip of Exquisite Pleasure and Torment

I was introduced to what is known as "Edging", "Peaking, Surfing, or even "Orgasm Control" in my training as a sex educator.  And I have to admit that it is one of my favorite pleasures. I love to introduce sexual technique to women at Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women couples in private retreats, workshops and coaching sessions.  Frankly, I personally enjoy surfing it's pleasures and exquisite torment.  It is my favorite dish! Extended Orgasm is a sexual technique which may be practiced either alone or with a partner and involves the keeping the recipient of the pleasure in a high level of erotic arousal for an extended period of time while not letting them climax or orgasm. This can go on for a period of minutes or hours or even days!

When the choice is made to allow the recipient to climax or orgasm the physical sensations may be much more explosive, expanded and frankly more pleasurable than if the orgasm were experienced with it's usually build up and release. But there is much pleasure in the play!

Some people have described the experience of being kept in heightened states of arousal for long periods of time as producing euphoric states and altered streams of consciousness like "Erotic Trance".  Orgasm control prolongs our pleasure and heightens the experience of sexual sensations  that occur during the final build-up to orgasm. It's a powerful experience for both the giver and the receiver whether you are "in control" of your partners climax or if you are the one delaying your own release.

Orgasm Edging Tips:

1.  If you are going to share this with a partner, I would start with full body touch, almost like giving a massage. "The Giver"  gradually move towards the genitals and would stimulate "The Receiver" with hands, fingers, sex toys, gradually bringing them up to the point high in the plateau phase of sexual response where an orgasm is actually building. Then "The Giver" would gradually move away from the genitals and move the energy to other parts of the body or simply  reduce the level of stimulation to just below that needed to set off the climax or orgasm.

2. Another way of playing with this is to give control of the orgasm to "The Giver" and play with something called "Orgasm Denial". With this lovely game,  orgasm is not allowed for even longer periods of time in order to develop an increased level of sexual tension. Remember that "Orgasm Games" can take some practice. Both the giver and the receiver have to really get to know each others responses. But by carefully varying the intensity, depth, techniques and speed of stimulation and lots of practice a "receiver" can be held in the highly aroused state near orgasm for an extraordinarily long time.  When the orgasm or climax is "allowed" it can be described as "earth shaking" or even "overwhelming".

3. You can even bring in elements of "Fifty Shades of Grey" if you choose to experiment that way. Some people enjoy creating an additional layer of power elements into this game and the person who is receiving the extended pleasure, or denial is called the "Submissive" can be even be put into restraints and or blindfolds for an added rush of not being in control.  The technical term for this game is "Tie and Tease" or "Tie and Deny".

4. You can play alone! Orgasm control is a way to be more creative with solo touch practices and can also be a great training ground for our own personal orgasmic responses. Masturbation or "Self Pleasuring" allows each of us to learn our own orgasmic response and practice having control over timing, the kind of touch we enjoy, speed of stimulation and our feelings in getting close to orgasm and then backing off and starting again. The term "edging" has been more closely associated with the solo practice where we experiment with stimulation until we reach that place right before climax happens (the plateau phase) and then we just stop or back off the stimulation just before orgasm occurs.

Self Pleasuring is a great training ground for people who want to play this game with a partner because you are in control of  your own intensity and don't have to rely on a partner to "guess" where you are in the game.  Playing alone is also a wonderful way not only to vary self pleasuring but it's also an easy way to learn your own capacity and limits in edging.

Playing with Orgasm Control or Extended Orgasm or any of the variations of these games are all about making every stroke count. This is all about heightening pleasure. When we play with our arousal we are not just trying to "get off". We are turning orgasm into a feast instead of something to get done. Arousal can become an unexplored lands of moans, groans, giggles, laughter, power play, and ecstatic trance states. It's a beautiful way to build communication and a sense of playfulness between partners and interesting enough when "The Giver" learns to spread the arousal and sensation all over "The Receivers" body there is a learning that our erotic response is not just held in our genitals. It can be found in all the parts of our bodies like soles of feet, nipples. lips, and arm pits in equal parts! My invitation to you is to explore your orgasm! It can be more than something to get done. It can be a surf board to ride!

Sexual Arousal Can Fuel "Creative Eroticism"

I believe that sexual arousal, passion and anticipation energy when nurtured, allowed and channeled fuels more than genital orgasm: it fuels a creative orgasm. Sexual arousal is the "Super Power" that so many of us are simply not tapping which I like to call "Creative Eroticism". Some people call "sexual arousal" erotic charge. And that's certainly not wrong. But I think it helps if we can identify that this feeling originates from our genitals and can enliven not just adult intimate interactions, but also artistic endeavors like painting, cooking, writing, acting, gardening and even creative and business partnerships.

Do I have any research to back up my claims? We can certainly look at the documentation of the very strong and active sex lives of  many geniuses, creators, leaders and entrepreneurs of the past and present.  There seem to be a very strong connection between living a life of creation and living a life filled with sexual energy.  This is also why many  people choose to work with people who they are attracted.

Lovers who work together report that they often feel more creatively alive and productive because there is an "arousal charge" that feeds their creative energy; this is "Creative Eroticism".  Almost everyone I encounter, knows someone who met their lover at work, or works with their lover.

I am not alone in my thinking either. More and more, sex educators are correlating our ability to feel sexually alive (arousal) with our ability to earn money. People in love create legendary works of creative expression in all of it's various forms.

This is what I know to be true in my own life; when I am erotically attracted to someone I have the energy and passion of ten women half my age. My brain fills with ideas that I can hardly wait to implement. I work faster, harder and happier.  And I know from the hundreds of women that I coach and attend my retreats ,that when they learn how to turn this engine on for themselves and flood their body with arousal that they are having the same results as a "Crush" or new relationship.

Sexual Energy more clearly defined as "Arousal Energy" and our "Creative Energy" are so strongly linked that they impact each other profoundly. Have you noticed that when you not moving your  sexual energy at all and feel disconnected from your body that your zest for life goes down?

There is an interesting mix of neuro-chemistry that goes when we wake up our arousal and when we learn how to harness,  channel and let it go - our inspiration rises in extraordinary ways.

Here are some ideas on how you can wake up your sexual energy to help channel it toward your own creative expression:

1.  Get back in touch with your body. It's literally your portal to creativity, abundance and pleasure. No matter what you think is "wrong" with your body it wants craves touch and love. You do not have to depend on your partner if you have one. You can touch yourself, get a massage, or work with a practitioner.

2. Build a Pleasure Plan. Having a plan of dependable pleasure in your life will build anticipation in your life. And anticipation builds arousal which leads to creativity and happiness! Our arousal loves to be stoked with anticipation and and yearning for what is to come. This is not magic, you can create this in your life!

3. If you can find somebody to "Crush" on; have at it. Crushes do not have to be fulfilled. And sometimes, they are best left as "muses". But a muse or "crush" can certainly raise our arousal levels! How many love songs have been written for unrequited love?

Accessing "Creative Eroticism" in your life is something you have complete control of . Sometimes it floods in with a new lover, or muse - but most of the time we have to bring it to ourselves.  Learning how to have bring it, channel it and access it is not rocket science. It just takes a little commitment and a desire for more.

When Did Sex Get So Serious? Can Sex Be Play?

When was the last time sex felt playful to you? Have you ever had a great big belly laugh with your partner during sex or leading up to sex? Have we all gotten lost in the Orgasm Olympics and forgot that sex is not as much about achievement as it is about pleasure? These days I am wondering about playful sex. The kind of sexual interaction between two people that is actually super fun, filled with anticipation, giggles and a sense of silly adventure.  If we can let go of performance can we bring back the fun?

I have a few ideas to get you started:

1. Go to a sex toy shop with your partner.  You each grab a basket and separate. You get about a half hour.  Spend time with the toys. Let your imagination wander. Pick out toys, books, videos, or anything else that you would like to experiment with. Your partner does the same. Meet by the vibrators or the lube at the appointed time and look into each others baskets. What's there? Any surprises? Now, you each get to pick three items from each other baskets that look like something that could be fun to try or experiment with. Go home. Play.

2. Buy sex dice. Sex Dice is a game created to add play back into sex.  Instead of numbers, each face on the die contains the name of a body part; the body part that faces up when the die is rolled must then be given sexual attention. It's fun. It's silly. It creates an atmosphere of playfulness. And it extends foreplay. They are inexpensive. Go on. Play dice.

3. Play Seven Minutes in Heaven! Are you old enough to remember that game? It was created by somebody in the 1950's and enjoyed by teenagers at parties. Two people are selected to go into a closet or other dark enclosed space and do whatever they like for seven minutes. In my version of the game, you get seven minutes to consequentially enjoy your partners body.  You may ask if you can touch your partners breasts for seven minutes or kiss or even tickle their feet.  Remember to take turns! Put on a egg timer to help you play fair and keep track of time.

Come on.  We are never to old to play. And taking the time to bring the play back into sex can really help you get your sexy on.

Want to learn more? Join me and  Mac S. McGregor, sex educators and intimacy coaches for a playful, sexy, interactive discussion filled with helpful ideas to bring the play back in your sex life.

In this tele-seminar we will bring you suggestions on how to reconnect through erotic play and laughter.

You will learn about new toys for couples, role play and how to set up scene for playful hot laughter filled sex.

When was the last time you played with sex? Perhaps it's time to change your perspective.

Join us! You will laugh, learn and get ready to bring the sexy back into your life! All genders and sexual orientations are welcome at this tele-conference. Self Register using the link!