The Orgasmic Edge: A Sex Tip of Exquisite Pleasure and Torment

I was introduced to what is known as "Edging", "Peaking, Surfing, or even "Orgasm Control" in my training as a sex educator.  And I have to admit that it is one of my favorite pleasures. I love to introduce sexual technique to women at Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women couples in private retreats, workshops and coaching sessions.  Frankly, I personally enjoy surfing it's pleasures and exquisite torment.  It is my favorite dish! Extended Orgasm is a sexual technique which may be practiced either alone or with a partner and involves the keeping the recipient of the pleasure in a high level of erotic arousal for an extended period of time while not letting them climax or orgasm. This can go on for a period of minutes or hours or even days!

When the choice is made to allow the recipient to climax or orgasm the physical sensations may be much more explosive, expanded and frankly more pleasurable than if the orgasm were experienced with it's usually build up and release. But there is much pleasure in the play!

Some people have described the experience of being kept in heightened states of arousal for long periods of time as producing euphoric states and altered streams of consciousness like "Erotic Trance".  Orgasm control prolongs our pleasure and heightens the experience of sexual sensations  that occur during the final build-up to orgasm. It's a powerful experience for both the giver and the receiver whether you are "in control" of your partners climax or if you are the one delaying your own release.

Orgasm Edging Tips:

1.  If you are going to share this with a partner, I would start with full body touch, almost like giving a massage. "The Giver"  gradually move towards the genitals and would stimulate "The Receiver" with hands, fingers, sex toys, gradually bringing them up to the point high in the plateau phase of sexual response where an orgasm is actually building. Then "The Giver" would gradually move away from the genitals and move the energy to other parts of the body or simply  reduce the level of stimulation to just below that needed to set off the climax or orgasm.

2. Another way of playing with this is to give control of the orgasm to "The Giver" and play with something called "Orgasm Denial". With this lovely game,  orgasm is not allowed for even longer periods of time in order to develop an increased level of sexual tension. Remember that "Orgasm Games" can take some practice. Both the giver and the receiver have to really get to know each others responses. But by carefully varying the intensity, depth, techniques and speed of stimulation and lots of practice a "receiver" can be held in the highly aroused state near orgasm for an extraordinarily long time.  When the orgasm or climax is "allowed" it can be described as "earth shaking" or even "overwhelming".

3. You can even bring in elements of "Fifty Shades of Grey" if you choose to experiment that way. Some people enjoy creating an additional layer of power elements into this game and the person who is receiving the extended pleasure, or denial is called the "Submissive" can be even be put into restraints and or blindfolds for an added rush of not being in control.  The technical term for this game is "Tie and Tease" or "Tie and Deny".

4. You can play alone! Orgasm control is a way to be more creative with solo touch practices and can also be a great training ground for our own personal orgasmic responses. Masturbation or "Self Pleasuring" allows each of us to learn our own orgasmic response and practice having control over timing, the kind of touch we enjoy, speed of stimulation and our feelings in getting close to orgasm and then backing off and starting again. The term "edging" has been more closely associated with the solo practice where we experiment with stimulation until we reach that place right before climax happens (the plateau phase) and then we just stop or back off the stimulation just before orgasm occurs.

Self Pleasuring is a great training ground for people who want to play this game with a partner because you are in control of  your own intensity and don't have to rely on a partner to "guess" where you are in the game.  Playing alone is also a wonderful way not only to vary self pleasuring but it's also an easy way to learn your own capacity and limits in edging.

Playing with Orgasm Control or Extended Orgasm or any of the variations of these games are all about making every stroke count. This is all about heightening pleasure. When we play with our arousal we are not just trying to "get off". We are turning orgasm into a feast instead of something to get done. Arousal can become an unexplored lands of moans, groans, giggles, laughter, power play, and ecstatic trance states. It's a beautiful way to build communication and a sense of playfulness between partners and interesting enough when "The Giver" learns to spread the arousal and sensation all over "The Receivers" body there is a learning that our erotic response is not just held in our genitals. It can be found in all the parts of our bodies like soles of feet, nipples. lips, and arm pits in equal parts! My invitation to you is to explore your orgasm! It can be more than something to get done. It can be a surf board to ride!

What Christian Grey Could Teach Men About Seduction

I have written a lot about what is wrong with Fifty Shades of Grey, but there are lessons in everything. Christian Grey as a leading man got as many things right as he got wrong. After all, women couldn't put this book down right? So Christian was seducing them too.  And I get it, we don't all get to be fabulously handsome billionaires. But Christian Grey could teach any man a few important tips to bring into his relationship if he is passionate around sex. What Christian Grey Would Tell You About Seduction if He Could Be Bothered:

1. Let's start with anticipation! That's about all of the deliciousness that come before you get your hands on your lover.  Yes, of course everyone knows that Foreplay is very important to a woman's sexual experience, but I'm not talk about how long you touch her breasts or how much attention you give her genitals (all good things!). I am talking about the sexy text in the middle of the afternoon. The hot request that she meet you at the bar wearing no underwear. I am talking the tenor of your voice when you tell how how much you are looking forward to stripping her slowly later on that night.  Learning to build anticipation is a skill that Christian Grey was masterful at. How can you build sexual tension in your relationship? Get her to simmer in her desire for you.

2. Let her know in her bones that she is the object of your desire. On other words; give your woman some attention! For many women, desire is the orgasm! Women want to know that they are wanted and that their lover thinks that they are sexy and beautiful. Communicate that to her: A Lot. Feeling valued is a turn on for many women. How can you show her that you value her?

3. Make sex important in your life.  Christian Grey has an entire room devoted to sex. How much space do you give sex in your life? Sex is about more penetration. Experiment with your fantasies and hers. Ask her to tell you her erotic secrets. Play games; such as asking her to bring three sexy toys or videos to your next erotic tryst! Give her a gift certificate to a sex toy shop and ask her to go shopping. This tip also build anticipation which was Tip One! How can you expand and shift up how you engage erotically with each other?  Seduction is sometimes about not know what will come next. Make sex about more than who climaxes first.

4. Dress for success! Christian Grey always looked good. When women put themselves together for a date or love making - they sweat the small stuff. How about you? I know a man who wears super hero underwear because they make him feel sexy! What are you putting on under your jeans? Dress to make yourself feel sexy and it I can almost guarantee that if you are feeling sexy - you will be sexy.