The Orgasmic Edge: A Sex Tip of Exquisite Pleasure and Torment

I was introduced to what is known as "Edging", "Peaking, Surfing, or even "Orgasm Control" in my training as a sex educator.  And I have to admit that it is one of my favorite pleasures. I love to introduce sexual technique to women at Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women couples in private retreats, workshops and coaching sessions.  Frankly, I personally enjoy surfing it's pleasures and exquisite torment.  It is my favorite dish! Extended Orgasm is a sexual technique which may be practiced either alone or with a partner and involves the keeping the recipient of the pleasure in a high level of erotic arousal for an extended period of time while not letting them climax or orgasm. This can go on for a period of minutes or hours or even days!

When the choice is made to allow the recipient to climax or orgasm the physical sensations may be much more explosive, expanded and frankly more pleasurable than if the orgasm were experienced with it's usually build up and release. But there is much pleasure in the play!

Some people have described the experience of being kept in heightened states of arousal for long periods of time as producing euphoric states and altered streams of consciousness like "Erotic Trance".  Orgasm control prolongs our pleasure and heightens the experience of sexual sensations  that occur during the final build-up to orgasm. It's a powerful experience for both the giver and the receiver whether you are "in control" of your partners climax or if you are the one delaying your own release.

Orgasm Edging Tips:

1.  If you are going to share this with a partner, I would start with full body touch, almost like giving a massage. "The Giver"  gradually move towards the genitals and would stimulate "The Receiver" with hands, fingers, sex toys, gradually bringing them up to the point high in the plateau phase of sexual response where an orgasm is actually building. Then "The Giver" would gradually move away from the genitals and move the energy to other parts of the body or simply  reduce the level of stimulation to just below that needed to set off the climax or orgasm.

2. Another way of playing with this is to give control of the orgasm to "The Giver" and play with something called "Orgasm Denial". With this lovely game,  orgasm is not allowed for even longer periods of time in order to develop an increased level of sexual tension. Remember that "Orgasm Games" can take some practice. Both the giver and the receiver have to really get to know each others responses. But by carefully varying the intensity, depth, techniques and speed of stimulation and lots of practice a "receiver" can be held in the highly aroused state near orgasm for an extraordinarily long time.  When the orgasm or climax is "allowed" it can be described as "earth shaking" or even "overwhelming".

3. You can even bring in elements of "Fifty Shades of Grey" if you choose to experiment that way. Some people enjoy creating an additional layer of power elements into this game and the person who is receiving the extended pleasure, or denial is called the "Submissive" can be even be put into restraints and or blindfolds for an added rush of not being in control.  The technical term for this game is "Tie and Tease" or "Tie and Deny".

4. You can play alone! Orgasm control is a way to be more creative with solo touch practices and can also be a great training ground for our own personal orgasmic responses. Masturbation or "Self Pleasuring" allows each of us to learn our own orgasmic response and practice having control over timing, the kind of touch we enjoy, speed of stimulation and our feelings in getting close to orgasm and then backing off and starting again. The term "edging" has been more closely associated with the solo practice where we experiment with stimulation until we reach that place right before climax happens (the plateau phase) and then we just stop or back off the stimulation just before orgasm occurs.

Self Pleasuring is a great training ground for people who want to play this game with a partner because you are in control of  your own intensity and don't have to rely on a partner to "guess" where you are in the game.  Playing alone is also a wonderful way not only to vary self pleasuring but it's also an easy way to learn your own capacity and limits in edging.

Playing with Orgasm Control or Extended Orgasm or any of the variations of these games are all about making every stroke count. This is all about heightening pleasure. When we play with our arousal we are not just trying to "get off". We are turning orgasm into a feast instead of something to get done. Arousal can become an unexplored lands of moans, groans, giggles, laughter, power play, and ecstatic trance states. It's a beautiful way to build communication and a sense of playfulness between partners and interesting enough when "The Giver" learns to spread the arousal and sensation all over "The Receivers" body there is a learning that our erotic response is not just held in our genitals. It can be found in all the parts of our bodies like soles of feet, nipples. lips, and arm pits in equal parts! My invitation to you is to explore your orgasm! It can be more than something to get done. It can be a surf board to ride!

A Peek Inside a Private Sexological Body Work Session

This morning, my client "Amy" met me for coffee and to check in before her final session Sexological Body Work session with my colleague Ron Stewart, Co-Founder of Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women, before she flew back to Florida. She read me her journal entries, and I was not only blown away by her sharing, but how amazing she looked. I asked her how she was feeling, and she said: "Whole, Satiated, Centered and at Peace". Ron and I have been in the NYC area running workshops and working privately with women, men and couples who are on their own journey back to their bodies.  Amy is one of the women who flew in from various parts of the country to work with us. I would describe her as lovely, fiercely independent, and in her forties. She is single and in transition in her relationship.

I got to know Amy after she decided to do one on one coaching with me through video skype. When the opportunity presented itself to do hands on work, she took the plunge and jumped in. She choose to do three sessions with us over three days. That meant that she got an hour with me to talk about it all, process, and then spend time with Ron having a traditional Sexological Body Work Session. We also shared a few meals together, and did a little sex toy shopping.

With her permission, here are a few excerpts from her journal and a follow up coaching session with me. Amy allowed me to share all of this because she wanted to support other women to take the leap, and change their lives.

"So I traveled to NYC today to start this mini-retreat to explore my sexuality. There is a part of me that thinks this is crazy and wondering what I’m doing. And although I’m a bit excited I can’t lie and say that I’m not having second thoughts right now. As it nears the time and VERY nervous and a bit anxious but I know that this is about me and being open to the experience so I go with it.

Meeting with Pam was good, centered me a bit before meeting with Ron and going into the hands on portion of my time. I’m guessing it’s because I’ve had massages before but I’m amazed at how easily I strip before Ron and get on the table.

The experience is amazing, Ron was really good at reading my body. He started with an extended massage which was perfect. I got comfortable with his touch and the idea of what we’re doing. I had my first orgasm and it was amazing. I experienced sensations I had never felt before and it was pretty spectacular. I told Pam and Ron that this was the first time I wasn’t self conscious about my body, perhaps it was because there is no relationship between Ron and I - not sure but it definitely allowed me to let go. I am hoping that I can carry that level of self confidence in my other sexual experiences.

I am glad that I came.

Session Two

Today’s experience was intense… I had shared that I was interested in playing a little bit with Domination so I got to experience a taste of that! I enjoyed it! Spanking (which I also really loved), anal play (WOW!)… and a lot more g-spot stimulation than yesterday. I think I had an orgasm for like an hour… there was an extended period of time where my body just shook. It felt like the urge to shudder was coming from the inside out and I felt it down to my toes. It was amazing… it was ALMOST too much - so hard to put into words. I have never experienced anything like that before.

At the end of the session Ron remarked on how responsive my body was, and I honestly didn’t know that I was responsive. Past experiences felt good but not body shattering, it was like there was a string from my nipples to my pussy and every time they were touched everything would clench. It was really surprising to me at how much I enjoyed everything, the last little bit of time all I could do was lay there and experience my pussy clenching and my nipples peaking… just amazing.

At first I thought I would just lay down and sleep for the afternoon but all of a sudden I’m ravenous and I have a ton of energy so I’m going to go outside and explore for a bit. :) Tonight is one of the workshops. I’m hoping that it will be a good experience.

Update - after a quick trip sightseeing I came back to the hotel and was knocked out, I slept for five or six hours straight. I guess this experience impacted me even more than I thought! And I guess, I found the cure for my insomnia! Something has definitely changed though… even while I was walking around today I noticed that my hips are swinging and my confidence has grown. Amazing what an orgasm can do!

Love."

Day 3 "I was curious about how today would turn out.  Yesterday was intense it was a life changing experience for me and last night and this morning I feel that delicious soreness of a body that was well used.  I woke up this morning feeling happy, I would even venture to say that I feel joyful.  I feel like I ‘fit’ in my own skin.  I shower, do my hair throw on my tightest skinny jeans, a sweater, leather jacket and almost knee high boots and I feel sexy.  It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt this way.  I leave my hotel room to meet Pam with a smile on my face and she gives me one look and starts laughing… she says you look so happy and so pretty and I really feel it! :)

I was a bit nervous about today because I was so sore (my body simply wasn't used to all of this touch!) but Ron and I agree to start off slow and see how things go from there… after a bit Ron read my mind and brought out the Magic Wand… well there went my plan… I was soon begging for more.  Today was such a different experience from yesterday but another amazing one.  I had no idea my body was so responsive, I had no idea I could feel so deeply or intensely.  I had no idea that I could feel such pleasure where everything was centered on my breasts and my pussy to the extent that I felt pins and needles in my toes and my fingers.  How amazing is that?!  Coming out of today’s session I feel like I could run a 5k, my body feels alive, whole, centered and most importantly satiated.  Walking around on the streets of New York people are looking at me because I literally have a smile on my face.  It almost brings me to tears to know that I’m NOT broken, that I am a whole and complete woman who is just now scratching the surface in finding herself.

Pam and I have lunch and then walk to a nearby jewelry store.  I buy a beautiful piece of body jewelry… BODY JEWELRY!?  I mean so NOT like me, but putting it on I felt sexy and it’s a perfect tribute to this mini-retreat weekend.

Pam and I talked about my experience and about my decision to chose her to work with.  I told her that talking with her I felt heard, I felt validated and I felt she wouldn’t take any of my crap and I was right.  She pushed me in the right way and has helped me to start this amazing journey to find my sexuality, to understand my body and what it needs and to find myself.  I plan on attending the workshop tonight and hope to have more to tell of my story of Day 3.  In the meantime I owe so much to Pam and Ron for helping me to start this journey to finding myself."

Day 4 Heading Home

"I'm heading to JFK airport now and as I was getting ready this morning I was thinking about what I learned this weekend. 1. I learned that I'm not broken, in fact my body is extremely responsive to erotic touch. Who knew?! 2. I learned that I'm sexy and powerful in my skin. This one will take some time to get used to being comfortable with but I experienced it so I know it's there! 3. I learned that taking time for me is not selfish, it increases my capacity for love - both of myself and of others. 4. I learned that I am beautiful. 5. I learned that there is immense pleasure in being able to receive touch and equally as much pleasure being able to give touch. 6. I learned that there are men out there who are equally concerned with giving pleasure as they are receiving it.

This was an amazing discovery and I know that it is just the start of my journey. The question is really what do I do with this knowledge know and how does it change my current circumstances? Although I felt true and loving feelings for Chris is he the one for me? This morning, after some processing my instinct was no. But I know that I need to spend some time talking with him to be sure. I feel confident enough now that I can do that.

I can't thank Pam and Ron enough for this weekend. For opening my eyes and my body to my potential and for starting me on this journey to my own self discovery and wholeness. Next stop Tuscany! (I hope!)

Love."

And I can't thank Amy enough for showing up so fully and then allowing us to take a peek!

Relentless

Recently one of my clients called me "Relentless" as I held on to her ankles (virtually through Skype) as she struggled to make a big decision about moving forward in her journey.  She was scared of making the leap from thinking to doing. I’m experienced in that  and I was hanging in there to support her in her leap into open and integrated sexuality without life-threatening injuries. I wanted her courage so badly for her because I got exactly where she was in her life and I knew what was possible. I wanted that so badly for her that I was willing to be "Relentless".

I know how painful the body-less life can be because I spent so many years as a head. I was a beautiful head, but I was just a head.

The truth is there’s a better than even chance we’re more alike than not.

Dark hungers and darker fantasies? Got ‘em. Feeling weird even admitting them? Been there. Worried about feeling like a freak? Well, I survived those moments, too, and I’m here to tell you there’s nothing freakish about it.

The ultimate goal is to  free all of that up, and reconnect the body with your brain.

I not only teaching women to recognize arousal, help them look at it without shame and take progressive steps to begin the work of self-acceptance and embodiment.  I lead women on an exploration of their own true natures and helps them use sensual pleasure to heal the typical array of issues that afflict most of us. I mean everything from body dysmorphia, eating disorders, erratic sexual desire and general crankiness.

I connect them with resources and opportunities to take it even further.

I encourage women to tune into their bodies and sensations with "sex games" that they can play on their own in private or with a partner.  I show women through my own adventures, that it’s a fun trip worth taking.  

I get it. What I preach and teach defies easy categorization. I blend my education, personal experiences and share real life vignettes that can take women out of the world of sex how to books to a brand new relationship with their bodies and the world.

My purpose in the world is to leave breadcrumbs for women to follow on their own road to sexual wholeness. What I teach, embody, and cheer lead is unique to me.

I’ve spent thousands of dollars on unconventional sex ed--from countless sacred sexuality workshops to private sessions with sexual healers. My underground education ignited such liberating changes in the rest of my life, that I couldn't keep all of this a secret. My job is now to responsibly show other women what is possible when they let go and look at their sexuality in a brand new light.  

When women take a bite out of my offerings whether it is one on one coaching, or a Back to The Body Retreat, a VIP Day, Private Retreat or even just reading my book Shameless; I am offering women the insight and skills to love themselves just as they are. I want to help women shed the fear of their own desire and to be open to pleasure, things we’re not conditioned to do.

It's not about quid pro quos, no have-tos, no 365 positions to memorize to please your partner and get off. What I believe in is  the antithesis of the orgasm Olympics book. This is a one-of-a-kind work devoted to the concept of sensual pleasure as a transformational, healing tool.  

I know that denying desire comes at a cost to everyone –our partners, our families, even our career peers. I also know that losing the shackles of sexual shame, unabashedly grabbing erotic pleasure with both hands and integrating the sexual self can make any woman happier in the body she’s in.  No raw foods, fiber drinks, exercise programs or cleanses. And who in their right mind doesn’t want to be a happier woman?  Or be around one? Just ask my husband.

My desire is to safely shepherd women into the wilds of desire and throw open the door on the vast universe of diverse pleasures.  With empathy and a wink that can only come from someone who’s walked in their Birkenstocks (and traded them in for thigh-high leather boots), I’ll show each woman who comes across my path how to befriend her body, unearth her erotic self and welcome her in. It’s possible to have true pleasure in all spheres of their lives.

People seem to be starving for my particular brand of good-natured, open sexual plain speaking. Right now, it’s hard to find information that goes past the superficial without plunging right into scary. Women excited by the idea of sensual spanking, for instance, may find a beginner’s piece or two. But further investigation often takes them on a hair-pin turn directly to a dungeon and a flogging post. Too much, too fast and too alarming for a novice.  By contrast, I offer them ways to express their desires one safe step at a time. I gleefully and sensibly fill the yawning information gap.

I’m willing to take controversial stands. I propose that extended pleasure and the Organic Orgasm are more intriguing than female ejaculation and the g spot. I suggest that we’re so performance driven that we’re all suffering, needlessly, from orgasm anxiety. 

Here's what true. We all have our season of sexual discontent. We all have those seasons and they’re unpredictable. It’s a bit like climate change. For some the wintry itch erupts between boyfriends. For others there’s chill that hits in the middle of a pre-nup negotiation. Some get triggered during a marriage, after the kids have grown, post- divorce, the onset of peri-menopause and beyond.  

Basically, women struggle with this all the time. Why? The answer is complex but it boils down to the fact that our sexuality has been severed from the rest of who we are. That vital life force has been sanitized, shrink-wrapped and buried like pirate’s booty. Instead of the bracing zest of feminine erotic desire, we watch the Photo Shopped blemish-free girls get to play. They’re the entitled ones. They don’t look anything like most of us do when we catch our own reflections. The message? We, the ordinary mortals, aren’t deserving of pleasure. Not unless we lose weight, get that job or finish that project. Pleasure is constantly receding on the horizon of our own self-loathing. Self-denial is epidemic.

I am relentless about breaking this down. And I will hand Sleeping Beauty her first Red Bull.  And I don't mind if you call me "Relentless".

 

Falling Into The Gap: An Exploration of Mindful Touch and The Pleasure of Surrendered Receiving

Join Internationally known Sex Educators Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart for an extraordinary workshop on the tools of touch and embodiment. The key to a delicious sex life with your partner or with yourself is understanding how to give and receive touch. Our fingers, our eyes, and our breath are all tools for connection. This seems basic and yet most of us have never been taught these skills. It’s all suppose to come “naturally”. Falling Into The Gap: An Exploration of Mindful Touch and The Pleasure of Surrendered Receiving

This clothes on workshop invites intrepid explorers (singles and couples) of all ages, genders and sexual orientations to learn with us in a playful and non-threatening environment.

Participants will discover that both the giving and receiving of touch is not only fun and delicious, it’s also transformational and healing. Through a series of mini-lectures, demonstrations, movement, breath and touch exercises, we will open our hearts to what is possible through the power of touch.

What you will explore:

* Communication and Boundaries -. Overcome the fear of setting limits and be comfortable with your own boundaries. Explore your own “pleasure ceiling”, and challenge yourself to raise it.

* Mindful Practices - Movement, breath and meditations will be offered to help participants become present to the subtleties of giving and receiving touch.

* Touch Explorations - Through guided exercises, improve your touch skills and deepen your capacity to connect with self or partner(s).

* Receiving Pleasure - Utilizing conscious relaxation,verbal/non-verbal communication and active receiving, we will heighten our ability to become more present to pleasure.

Date: April 27th, 2014 Time: 6:30pm to 9:30pm Location: 115 Wooster Street in SoHo NYC Buzzer Apt 2F Cost: $35.00 Reservations are required: To reserve your spot and to ask any questions please contact Pamela Madsen at 917 703 3785 or email at Pamela@backtothebody.org  AND you can register on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1383597568549034/

Please wear comfortable clothing. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

Exploring The Connection between Yoga (mindful movement) Meditation & our Sensual Body: An Interactive Play Shop For Conscious Adults

Join internationally known sex educators, Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart for an evening of movement, breath and bliss. “Exploring The Connection between Yoga (mindful movement) Meditation & our Sensual Body: An Interactive Play Shop For Conscious Adults”

This clothed workshop will take on the latest in scientific and somatic explorations in pleasure, arousal and body bliss states. The latest research has documented what many sex education pioneers already know: that states similar to orgasmic bliss can be found through meditation and mindful movement practice. By learning how to connect to these trance states through meditation and yoga, you are able to access arousal states that you can bring into your every day life and your bedroom. Yes, you can OM your way to a more delicious orgasm with yourself or with a partner.

In this workshop you will experience:

The benefits of being in aroused and enlivened states

You will experience in a safe and non erotic way, the path to stimulating the dopamine stream with or without a partner

Experience simple exercises through intention, movement and meditation to help convert arousal energy into life force action

Understand practices that will help you connect your genitals to your yoga and meditation practices.

Explore sensual energy as a part of a spiritual practice of meditation and manifestation

Learn how using these tools of enlivenment can lift veils of invisibility from our lives and improve self-image, enhance self-confidence.

Introduce an entirely new language that re frames the full erotic experience

To learn more about this idea please check out this article on Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shameless-woman/201203/your-brain-sex-or-meditation

Date: April 26th, 2014 Time: 6:30pm to 9:30pm Location: The workshop will be held in a studio on at 115 Wooster Street in SoHo NYC Ring buzzer Apt 2F Cost: $35.00 Reservations are required: To reserve your spot and to ask any questions please contact Pamela Madsen at 917 703 3785 or email at Pamela@backtothebody.org

Who is this workshop for? Men and Women (all gender orientations and sexual orientations). Please wear comfortable clothing as we will be moving. You do not need to know Yoga or have high levels of physical fitness in order to participate fully in this workshop. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

To register via Facebook; please go here https://www.facebook.com/events/491648247607283/ or send Pamela and email with your phone number at Pamela@backtothebody.org

To Learn more about Pamela Madsen please visit http://www.PamelaMadsen.org/ and to learn more about Ron Stewart please visit http://skyclad.ca/

Finding Your Organic Orgasm: Exploring Erotic Trance States

We've all experienced various types of trance - perhaps a meditative trance or an exercise trance. Erotic trance is no different. Erotic trance is the state where you are so aware of your erotic energy that everything else fades away. The noisy mind is quiet and your only focus is on what you're feeling. There's no magic to accessing erotic trance, but it does take some practice.
I invite you to participate with me during this tutorial. We learn things by doing - not by reading about it or watching someone else do it. While I'll be offering examples and demonstrations, the best way for you to learn is to experience it for yourself.
Please set aside some time for the exercises I'll be showing you. Make a date with yourself. Put it on your calendar. Ensure that you won't be disturbed. There's just no substitute for experiencing this for yourself. Imagine reading a text that describes what an orgasm feels like. This isn't the same as experiencing one This is best if it's a hands on experience.
Breathe
The key to erotic trance is a conscious focus on the breath. Most people when experiencing increased erotic energy, tend to hold the breath and tense the muscles. These actions keep the erotic energy from circulating throughout the body. This first exercise is intended to help you focus on your breath and also to slow down. This is a self pleasure or masturbation homework assignment.
Assignment
Plan on a time when you can be alone and undisturbed. You may want to turn your telephone off. Find a comfortable place where you can relax. Throughout these exercises I strongly recommend that you have a mirror close by where you can observe your body.
Position the mirror where you can see your face and most of your body. Create an atmosphere that is comforting for you. This may include candles, music, items of personal significance, or erotic toys. Use whatever works for you.
Begin the exercise by closing your eyes and checking in with your body. Note any areas that are tight or relaxed. Try not to judge your feelings - just note them. Scan your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
As you're doing this check-in open your mouth and take nice deep slow breaths. Make some noise with your breath. Keep the effort only on the inhale. Let the exhale fall; there's no need to push the exhale out.
As you're breathing be aware of your genitals. There's no need to touch them yet - just be aware that they exist. Be aware of the muscles in your pelvis. See if you can relax these muscles on the inhale. This is easier if you breathe into your belly rather than your chest.
Movement
Movement helps to not only wake up the body but it also helps us move erotic energy throughout the body. There are many ways to move the body. Some of us like to run. Others like to stretch. Some may prefer yoga. I encourage you to develop a movement routine that works for you and your body.
Assignment
This exercise is focused on movement around erotic energy. Begin by planning on a time when you can be alone and undisturbed. You may want to turn your telephone off. Find a comfortable place where you can relax.
Create an atmosphere that is comforting for you. Find a place where you can freely move around. Lay down and extend your arms and legs to make sure you have enough room. Begin the exercise by closing your eyes and checking in with your body. Note any areas that are tight or that are relaxed. Try not to judge you feelings – just note them. Scan your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
Begin by breathing just as in the prior exercise. Each exercise build on the previous ones, so don’t forget to breathe Begin by making yourself comfortable on the floor. Then stretch your arms and then your legs. Be sure to also include your hands and fingers. Start with slow deliberate movement. The intention is to wake up the body.
The particular stretching technique you use isn’t that important for this. The important thing here is to move the body, so do whatever is comfortable for you. As you feel your body warm up you may also want to include some aerobic activity. Jump. Run in place. Kick your legs. Sweat is good Just remember that this is a prelude to self pleasure, so there’s no need to exhaust yourself.
Include your genitals and breasts in the movement. Wake up your genitals. Rotate your hips. and allow them to rock. Feel free to include some touch. Don’t focus on generating lots of erotic energy, but begin with some light touch and movement. Wake up your body and prepare for new levels of pleasure.
Reverse Genital Hole
Infants are naturally curious about their bodies. Babies touch themselves everywhere they can. As infants we learn that touch to our genitals is pleasurable. However, this natural exploration is usually discouraged. We quickly learn that genital touch is something to be ashamed of. As we grow older most of us are torn between the pleasurable feelings of self touch and the guilt imposed by our culture.
This causes us to develop guilt and shame around self touch. We enjoy touching ourselves because it feels good. However, others clearly disapprove of such touch. This causes continual mental conflict over self touch. As a result many men and women develop what has been called the ‘genital hole.’ We become conditioned to ignore the feelings and sensations in our genitals. Some of us become numb.
For many of us when we begin self touch our attention focuses entirely on our genitals. We ignore the rest of our body. It’s as if we live in two worlds: no genitals and only genitals. I believe that it’s important to engage the entire body when masturbating.
Assignment
For this exercise find a comfortable spot and plan on a time when you can be alone and undisturbed. You may want to turn your telephone off. Position your mirror where you can see your face and most of your body. Create an atmosphere that is comforting for you. This may include candles, music, items of personal significance, or erotic toys. Use whatever works for you.
Begin the exercise by closing your eyes and checking in with your body. Note any areas that are tight or relaxed. Try not to judge your feelings – just note them. Scan your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
Create an intention to erotically touch all of your body. Begin with the top of your head.
Include your face and ears. Slowly caress your arms. Feel the sensation of your touch on the hairs of your skin. Caress your hands. Move to your chest. Play with your nipples! Spend time loving your breasts. Include your belly with your touch. Most of us ignore our bellies – some of us are ashamed of this part of our body. Make love to your belly.
Include erotic touch of your genitals. Use slow deliberate touch. Explore your inner and outer labia. Allow yourself to gently play with all kinds of touch around your clitoris and then move deep back around your vagina and your perineum. Caress the tender places on the inside of your legs. Include your feet and toes.
Erotically wake up your entire body. Yes, your genitals can create lots of erotic energy. But so can the rest of your body.
 Working with our Male Partners on Expanding Pleasure and Experiencing Erotic Trance
Most of us learned to masturbate when we were much younger. At this time in our lives we learned that we needed to hide our pleasure from others – like parents or siblings. This required us to be very efficient about masturbation. We learned to be quick and quiet. For some of us this habit carried into adulthood. We needed to be quick and quiet to hide our masturbation from roommates, partners or spouses. This results in a lifetime of quick hidden masturbation.
For men, this habit conditioned our bodies to ejaculate quickly.
Assignment
The focus of this exercise is to recondition our bodies with our partners. This is about learning to build pleasure. It’s not about ‘controlling ’male ejaculation. You may find that you and your partner need a lot of practice with this exercise. That’s okay, reconditioning takes time. And it's fun!
This exercise is about learning how to build excitement and enjoyment of pleasure without climax. This is a one way touch exercise - where you will be trading with your partner on giving and receiving touch. I recommend doing this on different nights. Ladies - start by giving your man a full body massage and then moving to the genitals. When touching your man's genitals - the key to building pleasure is to vary the pace and the strokes. Most of us are used to doing the ‘piston’ stroke – the usual up down stroke with a fist. I recommend that you vary the pace. Try using a ‘backhand’ stroke – reversing your hand as you stroke you man. You may want to switch hands. Include some light pulling and tugging of his balls. Include touching his perineum.
This exercise is focused on the distinction between excitement and enjoyment. All pleasure involves two polar opposites: “interest-excitement” and “enjoyment-joy.” Interest - Excitement is felt in the body as an increase in neurological firings. Excitement is that phase
where our erotic energy is increasing, progressing upwards on a curve leading towards orgasm and ejaculation. Our energies are focused on increasing the level of sexual energy.
Enjoyment-Joy is felt in the body as a decrease in neurological firings. Enjoyment is focused on simply experiencing the pleasurable feelings. The focus here isn’t on increasing the erotic energy as much as it is focused on experiencing that energy.
A complete pleasure cycle usually involves the build up of excitement followed by a period of enjoyment. Most of us are better are experiencing excitement than experiencing enjoyment. One of the ways of getting into an erotic trance state is to alternate consciously between excitement and enjoyment.
Talk to your partner. Ask him to tell you when he is getting close to the place where he feesl somewhat close to orgasm, when he shares that - then back off on your strokes. Stop building excitement. Instead, spend some time focusing on the pleasurable sensations in his body. Encourage him to enjoy the feelings. Move to rubbing his breasts and nipples...kiss his belly and allow him to float in the session.
You may want to help him to scan body similar to what we did during the breathing exercise earlier. Ask him to scan his body from head to toe and become aware of what he notices. Encourage him to enjoy the waves of pleasure that he may be experiencing. When you feel ready to increase the erotic excitement, feel free to resume generating erotic energy. Freely switch back and forth between the two modes.
Spend time enjoying and savoring Don't get hung up on erections. Erections come and go - it's a natural cycle. Don't focus on making sure that your man is maintaining his erection; rather, focus on the pleasure and note the distinction in feelings between touching him with an erection and without.
This exercise can simply be reverse for you as the woman receiving touch Do him first so he gets the idea You can also use this exercise as a self pleasuring exercise - you do not need a partner to experience all of the things that I have talked about in the exercise.
Enjoy and savor Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Pamela