After 50 Vaginal Maintenance: What Every Owner Needs To Know

Are you "After 50" and a  proud owner of a vagina? If you are, you might have noticed that your vagina and her needs are changing.  Vaginas actually have an environment that shifts during our life cycle and what we expect of them. Vaginas need and enjoy attention; and knowing how to keep your vagina happy is very important because if your vagina isn't happy nobody is happy! Most of us know that vaginas are self cleaning ovens, a source of pleasure and a sometimes portal for life. But did you know that in the United States alone, six thousand women go into menopause every day?

Did you know that some of these women may experience uncomfortable dryness, pain and a lowering of libido.

Well, phooey on that (phooey is a scientific term for 'get outta here').

Yes, you can go the route of estrogen therapy and other pharmaceutical remedies. But for some women who have or have survived estrogen-receptor positive cancer, or are concerned that they may be at high risk for cancer, they can't use hormone therapy. And even if you do use these therapies; I think that my routine for vaginal maintenance could either be a stand alone or combined with western medicine.

Pamela's Tips For Vaginal Maintenance:

1.  Keep a bottle or jar of coconut oil (organic) in the bathroom. After you pee and wipe; put a little oil on your fingers and massage your inner labia and the area around the opening of your vagina. This will keep the skin of your inner labia and the opening to your vagina soft and subtle. Yes, do this every time you use the bathroom at home. 2. Buy a jade egg or Kegel Beads.  Not everyone has a partner, and even those of us that do have partners are not having intercourse enough for our vaginal health. Our vaginas needs to be exercised! If we do not provide our vaginas with regular stimulation we may experience the walls of our vaginas thinning or worse  vaginal atrophy can occur.  By wearing a jade egg or play with Kegel Beads, we are taking the health of our vaginas into our own hands.  The use of the egg or beads can also help you maintain your ability to create lubrication. The beads jump around in your vagina and literally work out the walls.  Many vagina owners report that they don't even notice that they are wearing the egg or beads. Just be care when you go to the bathroom! They could fall out! A great first step with the beads is sleeping with them inside you. You can wear the beads or egg all day. Experiment with them. 3. Use lubricants! Lube is really your friend. Don't let your partner use spit to create a wetter environment in your vagina(yes, some partners really try to get away with that!).  Sex doesn't have to be painful, and using lots of lubricant can make your vagina really happy. Use lubricate when you place your Kegel Beads inside of you, or when you use the Jade Egg.  Use lubricants when you play with sex toys.  Use lube! I like Sliquid Silk Lube and Hathor Aphrodisa Lubricant.

4. Check out Sex Butter.  Sex butter is also a natural lubricant, but it is also a stimulant.  Many women report that using Sex Butter has also supported them in easing vaginal pain. I keep it in my tool box.

5. Use insertables. That's right, I am talking sex toys that you can put in your vagina. Once again, this is about pleasure but it's also about keeping our over 50 vaginas happy! My favorite toys at the moment are made by njoy. These toys have body and weight to them. They can give a woman something to hold onto and I like that.  I highly recommend the "Pure Wand", "The Fun Wand" and the njoy "Eleven". These toys are made out of pure medical grade stainless steel.  They feel good, can give you lots of pleasure and they are really fabulous for vaginal maintenance.  Invest in one or try them all.  All three of these beauties are in my tool chest.

6.  Vagina Hugs: Your vagina needs love and attention. This does not always have to look like rocket ship orgasms. Vaginas like to be touched and held. Sometimes, simple hold and rocking is enough.  Or gentle petting either with dry hands or with lubricant. Try that when you wake up in the morning or when you are falling asleep at night.

Remember, do one else can really love and maintain your vagina for you.  And when your vagina is happy, the world is a brighter place!

It's Time to Get Creative! June is Adult Sex Education Month!

You're not in middle school anymore when sex education was all about learning  about the birds and the bees. Maybe in high school you got a lesson about how to handle a condom, or how to say "No".  The fact is that you are not a kid anymore,  and what could be a better time than an entire month dedicated to learning about being a "grown up" and learning about getting creative in the bedroom. What could be a better time to get started trying something new than an entire month dedicated to Adult Sex Education!

#AdultSexEdMonth is the brain child of  originator of A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind (http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com).

How smart is she? And  how do you get started? Believe it or not, one of the best ways is to practice being sexual!

One of the more challenging things for many people when it comes to sex is to find what really turns them on after having removed all of their shame and judgment. The next big step is to then state their desires out loud to themselves and to their intimate partners. It is easier said than done, because it requires time, patience and dedication.

Recently, one of my sex coaching clients Vicky, started our session by exclaiming “Holy shit. I think it's actually revolutionary what I'm doing. I am practicing being sexual. I can now actually use the word “sex” without feeling self-conscious or guilty. I am finding my sexual voice. And damn, it does take practice!”

Vicky has been practicing what is often referred to as “Orgasmic Yoga” which, in reality, is not about yoga or orgasms! It's really just another name for developing a core erotic practice.

She has been on a 30 day practice schedule of working solo with her own body; exploring it on a physical and emotional level. Orgasmic Yoga is a pleasurable, intimate and trans-formative discipline that is practiced while sexually aroused. The goal is to develop or reclaim erotic capacities. Some individuals practice it to reawaken the awesome feelings in their body., others to discover it for the first time.

Taking the time to participate in a mindful, planned solo erotic practice allows the individual to focus on what is substantial in their sexuality rather than what is superficial.

Vicky has also been working to identify her peak erotic experiences in order to understand what gives her authentic sexual pleasure. The desired result is to giver herself the ability to better communicate her sexual needs to herself and to her partner. This takes guts, and it takes time. It can feel like a radical step to actually practice being sexual. But Vicky, like the countless women and men that I work with, have decided they really want to own their own sexuality; that it's their time.

From Vicky:

“I attended a music workshop recently where we explored the idea of stepping out and dipping our toes into fear. This was about trying on new ways to use our voices, and about performing. It was all new to me, for I am not a performer at all, and while I sing in a community choir, I sing very quietly. I enjoy learning and I feel safe as long as I am surrounded by a group of stronger singers. I imagined the choir as my comfort zone, where I could participate without having to step out into the fear of performing solo.

"But this is not really a comfort zone at all, as I learned during the workshop. My comfort zone is what I know and explore about my own voice. What can it do? What is its range? Where is the heart of the music I love? The only way to discover it is through practice. And more practice. The comfort zone is here, in my own voice. And once I know my own voice, then I can step out into the unknown, fearful places where I can challenge myself to change and expand and share my voice with others.

"It was in choir that I made the connection between our sex coaching and choir.

"I had always thought that my sexual comfort zone was a very confined space, where I would not be challenged, where my partner would be 'fine' with the status quo of our intimate life. I thought the best I could ever hope for was to somehow get better at it, so I could please him better. I thought I wanted the comprehensive 'how-to' manual, but even if there was such a thing, I was too embarrassed and shy to look at it.

"But that's not the comfort zone, is it? What I am learning is that it starts with me. I get to discover my own self as a sexual being, finally, in my mid-fifties! I have to learn to name what my own heart and mind and body want. I need to discover for the first time how sex works for me. I need to come to my senses. It's a bit of a paradox. It's scary to be discovering my own comfort zone. And if this is scary, what will it be like to step out of it?”

A Beginners Guide to Orgasmic Yoga Practice:

From Joseph Kramer, Ph.D, Founder of Orgasmic Yoga: “At it's core Orgasmic Yoga invites embodied, mindful self-accountability. The self-directed practice sessions involve breathing, savoring, sound, movement, touch, placement of attention, and awareness of intention.

"Erotic practice sessions weave together the heart and genitals. This alone is a profound reason to commit to practice. Orgasmic Yoga often produces a state of arousal that is free of fantasy, unfinished emotional business, religious dogma, cultural caveats and habitual sexual behaviors. In this erotic trance state, an individual becomes aware of the body as a source of wisdom, happiness and freedom. Thus, the intent of Orgasmic Yoga practice is the practice”.

Every Orgasmic Yoga session includes the following:

1. A statement of intention(s) at the beginning.
2. A clear beginning and ending time.
3. A session structure, outline or choreography.
4. One or more minutes of Kegels.
5. Conscious breathing patterns.
6. Movement, stretching, and/or dancing.
7. Sounds, moans and laughter.
8. Quiet for the last five minutes of each session.
9. Reflection and note-taking after each session.
10. Full body self touch including genitals

Optional:

1. Use of toys or vibrators
2. Specially Chosen Music

“An integral part of Orgasmic Yoga is to savor and reflect upon the experience after you have completed each day’s practice. It is crucial that you rest quietly for at least five minutes at the end of your session, to simply be and breathe. We suggest that you then reflect on your experience in a journal or with a friend or lover” says Joseph Kramer .

Clearing the space in your life to learn your own sexual voice  can change how you understand, express and enjoy your sexualty. It can also enliven your sexual expression  with your loved ones. It's one of the gifts that you can give yourself.

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Do you want to know more about Pamela and her "Back to The Body Retreat's For Couple's and Women? Visit here.

Searching For That Feeling of Aliveness

So many of us want to feel alive again. We are stuck in the patterns of our lives whether it work, family, relationships, or marriage. We may feel stuck in some kind of trauma that we can't seem to climb out of.  We are longing to reconnect with parts of ourselves that we have lost, forgotten or never got to explore. We may think it's about getting hot sex; it may be. But I think it's more about getting attention, feeling desire, dancing in a kind of excitement that we may have lost in our daily lives. When was the last time you felt yearning in your life for anything? Took a real risk, and jumped into an adventure? When I speak with women who are restless, feeling numb in their bodies, bored with their lives, wondering if this is all there is in their relationship with their sexuality; it becomes clear to me over and over again that they are not looking for another person, they are looking for who they become when they have new experiences.

I know this up close in personal as I shared in my memoir; "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner (Rodale, 2011). 

I am an explorer, but I am not reckless. I have a happy marriage of over 30 years, one that I wouldn't ditch for the world. But sometimes, I need to to ditch who I am in my marriage. I need to go out into the world, and become the other parts of me that I don't even know yet.

That's often when I feel my most alive, and for me a path to feeling aliveness has been through the erotic. I have wanted, and continue to desire to experience all of my new selves in a way that doesn't interfere with my marriage. And many women are single and want to have more aliveness too.  These feelings are not so different in marriages or in singleness, as we all get stuck in this place of  "everyday".

So how do you do it? How do you create this feeling of aliveness in your life? How do you explore all of your other selves? Okcupid? Maybe.

For me, so much happened literally on the massage table working with different Sexological Bodyworkers and attending retreats that created safe spaces for me to explore who I was in different situations. It changed everything for me; my relationship with my body, my relationship with my food (cured an eating disorder - I think I was like a bored bird plucking at it's own feathers), my relationship with my desires and my erotic expression.

I was literally reborn and living a very alive life.  I continue to plan for my pleasure and make it happen as well as help other women do it too.

I support other women to explore their sexuality, renew their feelings of aliveness, and experience their "other selves" through:

Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women

Private coaching where I support them in creating their own "Pleasure Plan" and learn new ways to create and keep these new found feelings in their bodies

Supporting women on their own journey working with Sexological Bodyworkers.

Right now there is a lot of hot going on; so many opportunities where you can explore you own desires for a new sense of aliveness.

Are you ready for that?

Email me to arrange a free consultation and I will not only hear your story, but I will tell you about all the very cool stuff that is happening between now and October! Just do it, email me at  Pamela@backtothebody.org and put Aliveness in your subject line.

I am creative and determined to support you in moving the obstacles out of your way so you can experience all of the other selves that are in you.

Loving you from here,

Pamela

When Self-Loathing Comes a Knocking....

Most of us want to feel hot and sexy. We want earth-shattering orgasms - and to feel like those women look in those damn magazines sipping a Margarita with smoky eyes who are about to have the most incredible sex in the universe. Right? Maybe? Who knows - but I hate them. Seeing those images can make me feel confronted with what I am not and leaves me with this feeling that I am not enough. More than that - it is this feeling that I will never have in my life what I truly want because I just don't look like that.

And what is it that I want - you may ask? It's a simple thing really....I want to be deeply desired, and feel free in my body. I want to be able to know that I am sexy from the inside out and truly believe it - all the time! I want to be able to walk around naked and not worry about my ass shaking in a bad way! And don't give me platitudes.  I know them so well I could sing along.

I want to get so lost in my own wanton sexiness that orgasms flow from me like a water fall.  I don't want much - I just want to dance in my own inner sexy wildness! Is that asking for so much?

Lately, as I prepare to go on the first of many healing retreats, I have really been confronted with my own self loathing. It is shocking that I can still go to those places of calling myself names. After all, this true confession is being spoken by a woman who has professed to the world that I have conquered body shame and self acceptance by embracing my sexual pleasure. Am I a fraud - or am I simply real and honest? The fact is - that I have healed so much of the damage that I have walked around with for most of my life when it comes to my body image and my sexuality - but everyday as my feet touch the ground - it takes a little bit of courage to love myself just as I am. And that is the truth - to say anything else would be to over promise healing - like those 30 day miracle diets on television.

Several months ago in Wallstreet Journal there is a great article, Conquering Fear which is all about those nasty little voices in our heads that tell us that we are not enough - that we are fat and stupid. That our bodies are ugly - and that our boss hates us.

My book Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner (Rodale January 2011) is all about my funny, sexy, unconventional path to falling in love with myself again in the most unbelievable way.... And I did.

But  every now and then I get tweaked in an unexpected way. There are a few new videos that have been posted of me on You Tube from a conference that I recently spoke at - and frankly they make me cringe. I hope you enjoy them.  They make me cringe.

Every time I watch them - I get taken out of how I was "feeling" when I made those videos and I get stuck in how I believe I look. I hate my neck. My face is too round. I have a double chin in that angle. How did they shoot that angle? And I stop feeling sexy. Instead I get filled with self doubt - and worry. You see - I am a real woman. Isn't that reassuring? I am not going to give you pleasure platitudes and tell you that if you do this or that - all of your inner fears will go away completely. They don't. But it can get better.

This is what I can promise. If you work on embracing who you are - every single day just like a religious practice - things will change in your world.

In so many ways - it is like developing a healthy eating and exercising plan. There is a lot of self talk, and self encouragement that needs to happen. I have to do it too - even now.  Especially now! The voices of fear that tell us that we are not enough - or are broken in some way - don't ever really go completely away.

I hope that by showing up and being honest about how I feel and how I move through all of the hatefulness that I can throw at myself will inspire you to do it too. The fact is that most of the time these days - I feel smoking! I have a swagger to my step - and kick to my heels. I dress like a diva with a wink! And I still feel bad about my neck a lot.  You see - I still  have really big moments of self loathing. It's all a part of the process.....

Self loving is a practice. Let's practice together.