Join Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart in NYC for Two Fabulous Workshops On April 26th and 27th in NYC

April 11, 2014 Pamela Madsen

On April 26th at 6:30pm Join internationally known sex educators, Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart for an evening of movement, breath and bliss.

“Exploring The Connection between Yoga (mindful movement) Meditation & our Sensual Body: An Interactive Play Shop For Conscious Adults”

This clothed workshop will take on the latest in scientific and somatic explorations in pleasure, arousal and body bliss states. The latest research has documented what many sex education pioneers already know: that states similar to orgasmic bliss can be found through meditation and mindful movement practice. By learning how to connect to these trance states through meditation and yoga, you are able to access arousal states that you can bring into your every day life and your bedroom. Yes, you can OM your way to a more delicious orgasm with yourself or with a partner.

In this workshop you will experience:

The benefits of being in aroused and enlivened states

You will experience in a safe and non erotic way, the path to stimulating the dopamine stream with or without a partner

Experience simple exercises through intention, movement and meditation to help convert arousal energy into life force action

Understand practices that will help you connect your genitals to your yoga and meditation practices.

Explore sensual energy as a part of a spiritual practice of meditation and manifestation

Learn how using these tools of enlivenment can lift veils of invisibility from our lives and improve self-image, enhance self-confidence.

Introduce an entirely new language that re frames the full erotic experience

To learn more about this idea please check out this article on Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shameless-woman/201203/your-brain-sex-or-meditation

Date: April 26th, 2014 Time: 6:30pm to 9:30pm Location: The workshop will be held in a studio on at 115 Wooster Street in SoHo NYC Ring buzzer Apt 2F Cost: $35.00 Reservations are required: To reserve your spot and to ask any questions please contact Pamela Madsen at 917 703 3785 or email at Pamela@backtothebody.org

Who is this workshop for? Men and Women (all gender orientations and sexual orientations). Please wear comfortable clothing as we will be moving. You do not need to know Yoga or have high levels of physical fitness in order to participate fully in this workshop. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

To Learn more about Pamela Madsen please visit http://www.PamelaMadsen.org/ and to learn more about Ron Stewart please visit http://skyclad.ca/

Please send me an email to register: Pamela@backtothebody.org

On April 27th at 6:30pm

Falling Into The Gap: An Exploration of Mindful Touch and The Pleasure of Surrendered Receiving

Join Internationally known Sex Educators Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart for an extraordinary workshop on the tools of touch and embodiment. The key to a delicious sex life with your partner or with yourself is understanding how to give and receive touch. Our fingers, our eyes, and our breath are all tools for connection. This seems basic and yet most of us have never been taught these skills. It’s all suppose to come “naturally”.

This clothes on workshop invites intrepid explorers (singles and couples) of all ages, genders and sexual orientations to learn with us in a playful and non-threatening environment.

Participants will discover that both the giving and receiving of touch is not only fun and delicious, it’s also transformational and healing. Through a series of mini-lectures, demonstrations, movement, breath and touch exercises, we will open our hearts to what is possible through the power of touch.

What you will explore:

* Communication and Boundaries -. Overcome the fear of setting limits and be comfortable with your own boundaries. Explore your own “pleasure ceiling”, and challenge yourself to raise it.

* Mindful Practices - Movement, breath and meditations will be offered to help participants become present to the subtleties of giving and receiving touch.

* Touch Explorations - Through guided exercises, improve your touch skills and deepen your capacity to connect with self or partner(s).

* Receiving Pleasure - Utilizing conscious relaxation,verbal/non-verbal communication and active receiving, we will heighten our ability to become more present to pleasure.

Date: April 27th, 2014 Time: 6:30pm to 9:30pm Location: 115 Wooster Street in SoHo NYC Buzzer Apt 2F Cost: $35.00 Reservations are required: To reserve your spot and to ask any questions please contact Pamela Madsen at 917 703 3785 or email at Pamela@backtothebody.org

To learn more about Pamela Madsen, please visit http://www.PamelaMadsen.org/

To learn more about Ron Stewart Please visit

Please wear comfortable clothing. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

Falling Into The Gap: An Exploration of Mindful Touch and The Pleasure of Surrendered Receiving

This clothes on workshop invites intrepid explorers (singles and couples) of all ages, genders and sexual orientations to learn with us in a playful and non-threatening environment.

What you will explore:

* Communication and Boundaries -. Overcome the fear of setting limits and be comfortable with your own boundaries. Explore your own “pleasure ceiling”, and challenge yourself to raise it.

* Mindful Practices - Movement, breath and meditations will be offered to help participants become present to the subtleties of giving and receiving touch.

* Touch Explorations - Through guided exercises, improve your touch skills and deepen your capacity to connect with self or partner(s).

* Receiving Pleasure - Utilizing conscious relaxation,verbal/non-verbal communication and active receiving, we will heighten our ability to become more present to pleasure.

Please wear comfortable clothing. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

Payment for both workshops will be at the door. Cash Only.

Who Mourns for Adonais?

April 5, 2014 Pamela Madsen

Do you want to know a secret about power? One that no one really tells you? It's a choice and decision to give a person, an idea or a social movement power and decide to serve it. It's not some kind of magic tonic that you drink that makes someone, something or an idea powerful, or gives you the desire to serve. It's always your choice to see someone or something as powerful and decide to worship . The offer to worship someone (or an idea) like a God can be given and then taken away. A King or a Queen needs a court in order to rule. Without a court, the crown is worthless.

If we don't believe that we all have to be thin, then we stop worshiping thin and an entire industry goes away. Are you following along? What we choose to make powerful becomes powerful and can hold all the cards. This can be wonderful and this can also run us into the ground. It's a choice.

In a 1968 second season episode of Star Trek, we can see this all played out in "Who Mourns for Adonais?"

In this episode, the crew of the Enterprise are held captive by an alien who turns out to be the Greek god Apollo. At first, there is a power exchange, and the crew wants to be held like children and cared for by Apollo. There is some kind of short lived consensual agreement of sorts...and then the crew withdraws and Apollo's power shrinks and shrinks and shrinks until he is lifted away by the other Gods - completely drained of his power. He needs people to worship him to fully express his God Powers. Without the adoration of humans, he faded away.

This can happen in human relationships too and even with ideas and emotions such as shame or guilt.

What are YOU making powerful in your life?

If we give power to the idea that we can only be seen as sexy and beautiful if we look a certain way - we have made a social idea very powerful and run around worshiping it. We give our power away to all kinds of ways - often not realizing how powerful our surrender is to the entire process!

Some of us give our power away to lovers, institutions, religions, money, fashion, family, children, parents, bosses, and even food. And giving up power, and offering surrender to any of these things may be the most incredible experience of your life. I just think it's important to take a look every once in a while and consider if your power exchange is running you somewhere that is not serving you.

That is what revolution is all about it. It's the taking back of people's personal power and reducing the others god life grip. And we can have a personal revolution even about taking back the power of who give us orgasm! Do you control it or does someone else?

Remember: People, ideas and movements become powerful because we make them powerful. We all have that power, and it's about where we choose to give our attention.

When we remove the idea of a person's God like powers over us, their power can shrink in our eyes until they simple become mortal and sometimes even disappear (like a relationship with an abuser).

The same goes for self hatred, stories of our past, ideas and social norms.

So to whom or what idea are you giving your power to? Is it a fair energy exchange? Are you getting what you need out of surrendering to a person or an idea?

Who and what are you making powerful and "god like" in your life? And is that power exchange supporting you?

It's a different point of view isn't it?

I invite you to take a look!

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Reclaiming My Surrender

April 3, 2014 Pamela Madsen

I have been working with aspects of my own relationship with surrender for ten years now. When I finally was able to let go of my shame around my own erotic desires it sent me down a path of healing and transformation that shifted every part of my life. But that is not what this blog is about. Recently, a very powerful Dominance and submission (D/s) relationship ended abruptly for me. The man who I expressed my surrender to no longer was interested in me that way. It came as a powerful shock to my heart. I had no idea what I was suppose to do with all of this grief, and my desires around some of the ways that I express my relationship with surrender. The relationship was filled with ritual; and one of those rituals was the wearing of a collar.

One of my counselors (yes, even life coaches have life coaches), suggested that I bury a symbol of my submission to this man. I choose the leather collar that was made especially for me by a beloved friend with a blue crystal hanging off of it. I loved my collar and what it represented. Not only my submission to this man, but my relationship to surrender.

When I was released from my "collar" with this man, it seemed that the obvious thing was to bury the collar - as a way of letting go.

So I did it. I walked in the snow into the woods, with a candle, some sage and my beloved collar. I didn't bury it in the ground. I put it in a tree. The tree had this opening that reminded me of a vulva. So I did this ritual and put the collar inside the womb of the tree. I lit a candle, said some chants and buried it deep with leaves and twigs.

Over the next few weeks I checked on the collar. I removed it from the tree and wanted it back, but I told myself that this would be unhealthy.

Until today. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks. That was MY collar, not his. My collar represented the gift of my surrender. It was a gift, and he returned it. But it was always mine.

That's why it felt wrong to me to bury the collar, it was like burying an aspect of myself and giving it up because this man didn't want it any more. It didn't mean that my relationship with surrender needed to end. It was not over because he choose not to engage with me around it. Surrender was something that was totally mine, and I got to express it in any way that I choose to in my life. And if that collar was an important symbol to me, that I needed to go get it.

So, off I went to find that tree again in the woods. Since I had been in the woods, somebody in forestry had cut down a bunch of trees. I got really nervous, was the tree gone? At first I almost couldn't find it, but I just surrendered.....and there it was.

And after six weeks, the collar was inside the tree just where I left it. The tree had done a beautiful job holding the symbol of my gift. I thanked her, and let my hands touch the leather. The blue crystal was fabulous in the light.

My surrender is mine. It is a gift that I give to myself, and sometimes share with others. No one has the power to take that from me.

It was delicious to reclaim that today.

Searching For That Feeling of Aliveness

April 1, 2014 Pamela Madsen

So many of us want to feel alive again. We are stuck in the patterns of our lives whether it work, family, relationships, or marriage. We may feel stuck in some kind of trauma that we can't seem to climb out of. We are longing to reconnect with parts of ourselves that we have lost, forgotten or never got to explore. We may think it's about getting hot sex; it may be. But I think it's more about getting attention, feeling desire, dancing in a kind of excitement that we may have lost in our daily lives. When was the last time you felt yearning in your life for anything? Took a real risk, and jumped into an adventure? When I speak with women who are restless, feeling numb in their bodies, bored with their lives, wondering if this is all there is in their relationship with their sexuality; it becomes clear to me over and over again that they are not looking for another person, they are looking for who they become when they have new experiences.

I know this up close in personal as I shared in my memoir; "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner (Rodale, 2011).

I am an explorer, but I am not reckless. I have a happy marriage of over 30 years, one that I wouldn't ditch for the world. But sometimes, I need to to ditch who I am in my marriage. I need to go out into the world, and become the other parts of me that I don't even know yet.

That's often when I feel my most alive, and for me a path to feeling aliveness has been through the erotic. I have wanted, and continue to desire to experience all of my new selves in a way that doesn't interfere with my marriage. And many women are single and want to have more aliveness too. These feelings are not so different in marriages or in singleness, as we all get stuck in this place of "everyday".

So how do you do it? How do you create this feeling of aliveness in your life? How do you explore all of your other selves? Okcupid? Maybe.

For me, so much happened literally on the massage table working with different Sexological Bodyworkers and attending retreats that created safe spaces for me to explore who I was in different situations. It changed everything for me; my relationship with my body, my relationship with my food (cured an eating disorder - I think I was like a bored bird plucking at it's own feathers), my relationship with my desires and my erotic expression.

I was literally reborn and living a very alive life. I continue to plan for my pleasure and make it happen as well as help other women do it too.

I support other women to explore their sexuality, renew their feelings of aliveness, and experience their "other selves" through:

Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women

Private coaching where I support them in creating their own "Pleasure Plan" and learn new ways to create and keep these new found feelings in their bodies

Supporting women on their own journey working with Sexological Bodyworkers.

Right now there is a lot of hot going on; so many opportunities where you can explore you own desires for a new sense of aliveness.

Are you ready for that?

Email me to arrange a free consultation and I will not only hear your story, but I will tell you about all the very cool stuff that is happening between now and October! Just do it, email me at Pamela@backtothebody.org and put Aliveness in your subject line.

I am creative and determined to support you in moving the obstacles out of your way so you can experience all of the other selves that are in you.

Loving you from here,

Pamela

What Kind of Woman Attends a Back to The Body Retreat?

March 24, 2014 Pamela Madsen

"Know that the gifts you are giving are the kind that keep on giving, like a well seasoned meal that can be savored for a long time. Each of you offered gentle support and a safe place to work. Your example of bravery were inspiring. There's a lot to take home, memories to savor, lessons to be launched. You are my teacher. Like a Sherpa guiding us to the mountain top. Thank you for the new and beautiful view!" - Back To the Body February Graduate The team at Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women is now offering our eighth retreat at our home nest in Victoria, BC.

So....what kind of woman comes to a Back to the Body Retreat?

Passionate and Powerful in their own lives
And they are ready for even more! They want to go deeper into being more of who they already are.
Personal growth is important to them.
They are curious about their own sexuality. They want to know more and go deeper. They already know on some level that their sexuality may the missing or essential link to a more fulfilling life.
They are interested in using sexual energy as a life force fuel.
They are ready to heal sexual wounds and shame.
They may be experiencing mid life changes such as menopause, divorce or job changes.
They are ready to experience all that their bodies are able to offer them.
They want to play and have more pleasure in their lives.

Tell me more:

Many of our clients are simply curious. They want to learn more about their bodies and feel dis-empowered or disconnected from their own physical selves. Their relationship with their sexuality and their bodies have finally made it up the “bucket list”. Sometimes they don’t have partners, or if they do have partners they don’t feel that their partners are meeting their sexual needs. My clients often feel unsupported and unappreciated sexually and want to have more pleasure in their lives.

Many are looking for safe ways to explore being more sexually adventurous either on their own or within a coupled relationship. Some of my clients are actively looking for a partner, and are looking inside their own sexual expression to see if the hold up is inside their own relationship with their bodies.

Some of our clients are not having the orgasms that they wish to have, and want to be able to explore their sexual desires in a way that will not bring them shame or ruin their lives.

Many of our clients are at war with their bodies. They want to love themselves deeply and don’t know how to. They get stuck when it becomes time to speak up for the desires, and often end up enduring sex rather than loving sex. They are ready to prioritize sex in their lives, and often want to experience new sexual experiences. Our clients know that there is more to sex than they are having, and they are ready to figure out what that is. Most of our clients are in their 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's.

We are devoted to assisting you on your own individual journey to sexual empowerment, freedom and pleasure.

To learn more about the complete program please visit our website here.

We would love for you to consider joining us for our 8th retreat in Victoria, BC on July 3 through July 7. Retreats are limited to six women. There is one spot left for our July Retreat. Payment plans are available. http://www.backtothebody.org/

Email Pamela at Pamela@backtothebody.org to set up a free consultation.

And we have lots of graduates that are will than willing to speak with you!

Falling Into The Gap: An Exploration of Mindful Touch and The Pleasure of Surrendered Receiving

March 24, 2014 Pamela Madsen

This clothes on workshop invites intrepid explorers (singles and couples) of all ages, genders and sexual orientations to learn with us in a playful and non-threatening environment.

What you will explore:

* Communication and Boundaries -. Overcome the fear of setting limits and be comfortable with your own boundaries. Explore your own “pleasure ceiling”, and challenge yourself to raise it.

* Mindful Practices - Movement, breath and meditations will be offered to help participants become present to the subtleties of giving and receiving touch.

* Touch Explorations - Through guided exercises, improve your touch skills and deepen your capacity to connect with self or partner(s).

* Receiving Pleasure - Utilizing conscious relaxation,verbal/non-verbal communication and active receiving, we will heighten our ability to become more present to pleasure.

Please wear comfortable clothing. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

Exploring The Connection between Yoga (mindful movement) Meditation & our Sensual Body: An Interactive Play Shop For Conscious Adults

March 24, 2014 Pamela Madsen

Join internationally known sex educators, Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart for an evening of movement, breath and bliss. “Exploring The Connection between Yoga (mindful movement) Meditation & our Sensual Body: An Interactive Play Shop For Conscious Adults”

In this workshop you will experience:

The benefits of being in aroused and enlivened states

You will experience in a safe and non erotic way, the path to stimulating the dopamine stream with or without a partner

Experience simple exercises through intention, movement and meditation to help convert arousal energy into life force action

Understand practices that will help you connect your genitals to your yoga and meditation practices.

Explore sensual energy as a part of a spiritual practice of meditation and manifestation

Learn how using these tools of enlivenment can lift veils of invisibility from our lives and improve self-image, enhance self-confidence.

Introduce an entirely new language that re frames the full erotic experience

To learn more about this idea please check out this article on Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shameless-woman/201203/your-brain-sex-or-meditation

To register via Facebook; please go here https://www.facebook.com/events/491648247607283/ or send Pamela and email with your phone number at Pamela@backtothebody.org

To Learn more about Pamela Madsen please visit http://www.PamelaMadsen.org/ and to learn more about Ron Stewart please visit http://skyclad.ca/

Don't Break Up With Your Desire

March 18, 2014 Pamela Madsen

I am surrounded by friends right now in my personal life who are feeling dumped. Truth be told, I'm feeling a bit dumped too. We can feel dumped in all sorts of ways. Someone we loved may not love us back. A project that we believed in may be getting dumped. Our boss may have dumped us. A friend or a group of friends may have dumped us, or a family member. And sometimes, we even dump ourselves. But here's the thing:

Don't break up your desire even if you feel dumped by circumstance, misled, or lost. You still know what your desire is. Right? You can feel it. What it is that you want in your life. It's okay to feel impatient for it. Feel the ache like a tooth exposed at it's nerve.

Don't shame yourself for trusting the path that you set yourself on, even if all the plans went wonky. All that happened is that you tried. All that happened is that you loved. All that happened is that you danced with your desire and your dreams.

Come sit with me in the compost for a little while. It's kinda warm here, and there is plenty of room.

Put a red rose between your teeth. The rose is important because you get to look foxy and the perfume of the flower helps ease the scent of the compost!

But don't discount the murk. There is life in the shit. Seeds full of hunger and desire ready to sprout.

Can't you feel it?

Kintsukuroi and The Heart/Vagina Connection

March 17, 2014 Pamela Madsen

My day is often filled with speaking with women who are trying to connect to their vaginas. Some of the women that I speak with find it hard to get through the conversation without feeling physically ill. They may get a headache or an upset stomach. Some speak of an inability to feel their own vagina or any sense of aliveness in their genitals. Some are willing to make peace with this feeling, others sense that there is so much more life in their bodies and that somehow it is related to this somewhat unknown place between their legs. The feel a sense of disconnection or brokenness.

And I keep coming back this week to this art form called Kintsukuroi. This idea that an object can be made more beautiful after it's broken. It's value is not diminished, in fact the filling in of gold, silver or lacquer is used not only to repair, but makes the object more beautiful. What a metaphor for so much in our lives.

This is what I have learned. Our hearts can stretch to hold love, grief, devotion, and dreams. Our hearts can sacrifice, forgive and remember. And I believe that in female bodied persons, so can our vaginas.

We just have to be able to listen. And we have not been taught to listen to our own vaginas. So somehow we are getting static on this incredible line from our vaginas to our hearts and then back again to our vaginas. You see, they are wired together.

If we are feeling physical illness, numbness, and fear when we think about connecting to our own vaginas it's time to stop and listen deeply. Trust your vagina the way you trust your heart. Sometimes, we will need to practice Kintsukuroi and support the places that have worn thin with gold or silver. It just makes what we have more beautiful and more valuable.

And if your vagina is screaming at your heart to go away - listen to that too with a different ear. Why is she so scared and shut down? Perhaps it is time, to hear her pain and softly begin to coax her out of hiding. Speak to her about the practice of Kintsukuroi and tell her that you will go and get some gold, or silver.

After all, your vagina will ache for you, bleed for you, open for you and shut down to protect you. Pay attention to her. She has stories to tell you. Truths to share. She is valuable.

And sometimes, her silence is a cry for help.

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Learning to Receive is a Lover Tool

March 15, 2014 Pamela Madsen

When people ask me about becoming a better lover; the first thing I ask them about is their ability to receive. Learning to receive is a big one for so many and it's often the key to having a better relationship with our own bodies, our pleasure, and sharing with others. Worrying about "doing back" or running your thoughts about what you will do back when "it's your turn" may be running interference with your receptors. Or are you always vigilant and on guard when you are receiving?Do you trust your own ability to hold your own boundaries, or your partner to honor them?

What are you allowing to get through? Do you have a "Pleasure Ceiling"? How does your inability to truly receive effect your ability to give fully of your heart when you are actually giving? As one of my teaching partners, Ron Stewart recently said: "When you know how to receive more fully, some aspect of you knows how to give more fully, if you choose to".

Think about it. Are you running interference on your ability to receive? And how does that inadvertently affect your ability to fully give?

Meditation and Sexuality a Newly Discovered Link

March 14, 2014 Pamela Madsen

One of the first things that I teach, when I work with anyone around their sexuality is the link between sex and a clear mind. Sex requires our presence, not numbing out. The best sex requires of us that we are fully in our bodies, and alive to the possibility of sensation. or skin awareness. As we awaken away numbness we are actually able to experience the softest of touches as electric vibrations through our entire body. If you think you're erotically numb, hormonally challenged or simply "over sex", this does not have to be. Erotic numbness is reversible and it begins with reawakening our ability to feel arousal.

Arousal is a state that not only fuels our creative engines, but can be enjoyed from our genitals up through our hearts and throughout our bodies. Now, what does this have to do with meditation?

It's really difficult to feel sexual arousal if our minds are busy and our thoughts are interfering. This is where meditative states can be incredibly useful. When we can quiet the mind and connect to our genitals—we are able to feel deeply into our bodies in ways that we may never have experienced before. Sometimes, it's in these quiet genital connections that we are able to find the source of any blockages to pleasure and our relationship with our own bodies. But we have to be quiet and tuned in enough to be able to listen.

If we can learn to clear our minds and connect to our genitals this can be a path to full awakening. And when I say full awakening; I'm talking about mind, body and spirit.

I discovered all of this on my own at the feet of Dr. Deepak Chopra when I attended "Journey to Healing" and combined that experience with my knowledge as a sexuality coach that believed in somatic or through the sexual body healing.

Meditation is the perfect entry point to many profound sexual experiences. Successful meditation and successful sex all start with the same three key entry points:

1. Get comfortable.

2. Slow down.

3. Connect to the breath.

When we are able to approach sex just like we approach meditation (without rushing to go somewhere fast) we are able to touch deeply ecstatic or erotic states where we have "alterations in bodily perception" and a "diminution of self awareness" according to researcher Gemma O'Brien who studied the link between sexuality and meditation.

These shared experiences are found both in subjects deeply in meditation and in people having sexual experiences.

As I got more practiced at meditation, I was able to feel my ego dissolve along with my own general sense of self-awareness. As I floated into "the gap," the place that Deepak Chopra says is the place without words, I also noticed that I lost track of where my body was in place and time. Oh yeah, I have been in these places before and it was not in the lotus position!

Gemma O'Brien found that people meditating and having an orgasm both experience the afore mentioned "diminution of self-awareness" and "alterations in bodily perception."

According to the study, when you meditate, the left side of your brain becomes activated and when you engage in sexual activity, the right side of your brain runs the show. Both of these brain responses helps you to stop the constant thinking or talking in your brain. And herein lies the key—when you are able to stop the chatter, and float into what can be called "falling into the gap," "states of higher consciousness," "erotic trance states" or even what is known as "sub space" your brain helps you by allowing you to lose physical and mental boundaries. That is where we can find enlightenment or dare I say it—bliss.

Our busy lives takes us to a place where we live all the time in our thoughts. When we are run by our thoughts we can lose connection with our bodies. This is known as "sensory amnesia" and is a feeling of not being able to give presence to our bodies. It's possible to reclaim our bodies and our sexuality. I have seen the practice of meditation and the combination of meditative states with the addition of touch create incredible openings in the lives of women.

We can regain our own sense of our bodies and begin to shed our numbness.

What to do next?

Like this blog, leave a comment and share it!

Do You Want To Learn More?

Check our my guided sexuality meditation

Watch My Video: The Arousal Principle

How Do You Feel Sexy?

March 13, 2014 Pamela Madsen

Yesterday, was a big day for me. I did a "HuffPost Live" on meditation supporting your sex life. If you missed it; you can watch it here.

I was also brought in as a consultant to a big company that wanted insights into what made women feel good about themselves. What makes a woman feel sexy?

I think it's all about how we are able to "Pre-Heat" our own oven. But of course that begs the question; "How do we get that feeling in our own bodies and then how do we sustain that feeling?

I love questions that ask "How?" The honest truth is that on most days, for many women — our self image can really take a beating.

Many of us want to be seen as hot and sexy. And perhaps most of all, we want to feel like those women look in those women's magazines sipping a Margarita with knowing smoky eyes. We just know that they are about to have the most incredible experiences in the universe. Right? Maybe? Who knows but sometimes I feel confronted by them.

Seeing those images can make me feel just not enough. More than that — it is this feeling that I will never have in my life what I truly want because I don't look like that. Heck, I got confronted with that on "HuffPost Live"!!!

There I was on my home computer with a bad computer angle while Emily the other woman being interviewed was this "glamorous" former Broadway actress! She had the make up, the perfect face and perfect body. And there I was in poor lighting not done up at all talking about feeling sexy! Wowsa!

But I sunk into my own practice and told myself just to feel it. And in the end - I did fine. But I was actually practicing on live video stream.

And it really doesn't matter how old you are, it can be really hard to look like the images of women that we are surrounded with on a daily basis. This is not news. But it's impact on women is still real.

And what is it that I want, and what many women want? It's a simple thing really...I want to be deeply desired, and feel free in my body. I want to be able to know that I am sexy from the inside out and truly believe it — all the time! I want to be able to walk around naked and not worry about my behind shaking in a bad way. Perhaps this is simply universal. After all, I coach hundreds of women and they want it too — very badly. This is what I hear from some of my clients:

"I want to get so lost in my own wanton sexiness that orgasms flow from me like a waterfall. I don't want much — I just want to dance in my own inner sexy wildness! Is that asking for so much?"

I get it.

As I just shared, I have moments of feeling confronted with my own self loathing. It is shocking that I can still go to those places of calling myself names. After all, this true confession is being spoken by a woman who has professed to the world that I have conquered body shame and self acceptance by embracing my sexual pleasuare.

Am I a fraud — or am I simply real and honest? The fact is, that I have healed so much of the damage that I have walked around with for most of my life when it comes to my body image and my sexuality.

But everyday, when I wake up and my feet touch the ground, it takes a little bit of courage to love myself just as I am — and that is the truth. To say anything else would be to over promise healing like those 30 day miracle diets on television.

Recently in The Wall Street Journal was a great article, "Conquering Fear," which is all about those nasty little voices in our heads that tell us that we are not enough — that we are fat and stupid. That our bodies are ugly and that our boss hates us.

I know those tapes so well that I could sing along! My book Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner is all about my funny, sexy, unconventional path to falling in love with myself again in the most unbelievable way... And I did.

But on my book tour there were all of these videos being made of me so that people can get to know me — and I get to watch them over and over again.

Every time I watch them — I get taken out of how I was "feeling" when I made those videos and I get stuck in how I believe I look. I hate my neck. My face is too round. I have a double chin in that angle. And I stop feeling sexy. Instead I get filled with self doubt and worry.

You see — I am a real woman. Isn't that reassuring? I am not going to give you pleasure platitudes and tell you that if you do this or that all of your inner fears will go away completely. They don't. But it can get better.

This is what I can promise. If you work on embracing who you are, every single day just like a religious practice — things will change in your world.

In so many ways, it is like developing a healthy eating and exercising plan. There is a lot of self-encouragement and coaching that has to happen. I have to do it too — even now.

The voices of fear that tell us that we are not enough — or are broken in some way — don't ever really go completely away. But it gets better.

I hope that by showing up and being honest about how I feel and how I move through all of the hatefulness that I can throw at myself will inspire you to do it too. The fact is that most of the time these days — I feel smoking! I have a swagger to my step and kick to my heels. I dress like a diva with a wink! And I still feel bad about my neck a lot. You see — I still have really big moments of self loathing. It's all a part of the process...

Self loving is a practice. Feeling sexy is a practice. Let's practice together.

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Your Relationship with Sexuality Is Unique

March 9, 2014 Pamela Madsen

Every relationship with sexuality is unique. Just because we share the knowledge that we both enjoy a particular sex toy doesn't mean that we will experience it the same way. No one can feel an erotic feeling or emotion tied to sexuality just the way you. All of our feelings and how we process experiences are uniquely our own.

That can be really hard when people want others to "give them an experience" and "get it right". There are countless people who want to lay back and have sexual bliss simply handed to them. It's sounds great. But it can be a really difficult mission to complete successfully. Delicious sex requires communication whether it's through verbal or non verbal communication. Communicating around sex and sexual desire can be one of the most difficult things any of us can do. And nobody teaches us how to do this.

Yet, imagine wanting someone to "do us" when so many of us don't really know what it is that we want - let alone speak it! So how can we expect someone to give it to us?

And then, it's back to square one because each of our relationships with sexual pleasure is unique, it can be hard to "give people" erotic experiences without their participation.

Many people are afraid of their own sexual feelings and their desires. We are often told not to feel our own erotic being. We are counseled to tamp it down. We label our desires as being out of the norm or kinky. We learn to change the subject when thoughts about our relationship with sex surface or distract ourselves to other endeavors. We try to intellectualize or medicalize our relationship with our sexual selves. And frankly, it does not work very well.

We end up feeling cut off from our sexual bodies, numb, resistant, shamed, or in some way cut off from the very experiences that we want.And when we do speak our desires, often we don't feel heard.

So, if we can agree that all of our relationships to sexuality is unique - how do we go about creating a better relationship with sex?

1. Prepare for change. Decide that you are ready to change your relationship with your own sexuality. Acknowledge that you feel like there is something missing, a problem a disconnect. Acknowledge that you want to feel more than you are currently feeling.

2. Choose to make a change with your relationship with your own sexuality. If you are in a partnered relationship you may choose to speak with your partner about your desires for change. If you are not in a partnered sexual relationship you may begin by opening the conversation with yourself about what you feel you are missing and wanting. You may choose to seek the help of a sexuality coach or sign up for a program created to support people explore their sexuality.

3. Taking the choice into action: Many people are now seeking out the support of sex educators to learn new tools and ways of being with their sexuality. Sexological Body Workers and Sexuality Coaches learn to listen to people's bodies and words. Instead of trying to give people experiences or know what is best for them - experienced sex educators learn how to listen, guide and support people to finding their own answers - and assist them in learning the tools so that they can communicate them. This work can be done with or without our partners - depending in your life circumstance and your desires.

Start with this premise. Your relationship with your own sexuality is unique. No one can feel what you are feeling. But you can be supported in being more loving, self accepting and more sexually actualized. You can have more of whatever it is you are wanting. You simply need to want to have change, prepare for change, and take action.

What if You Could Love Your Sadness?

March 8, 2014 Pamela Madsen

I am not used to feeling deeply sad. The kind of sad that one might call grief. Most of us aren't used to deep sadness because life events that can bring it on are not often common occurrences. And like most people, I was willing to do anything to move through the feelings. But this deep sadness was with me, the way the curves of my body was with me. It slid down the curves of my breasts, and ran into my belly before it made it's way over my round hips to the ground that I walked on.

I could not escape it in my dreams or in my day. It was the taste of my food. The words on my lips. I would have done anything to get rid of it. Ditch my life. Burn down the house. Go on retreat. Or make a deal that perhaps I didn't even want, just to end the pain. I was writhing with it.

I was willing to accept the unacceptable just to make the pain go away. Because when you are in this kind of sadness you might be willing to do anything to run away from it. You want it gone. You want it healed. You want it over.

I think we are not given permission to be sad, in the same way we are not given permission to be sexy or passionate. I don't think we are given the tools to deal with sadness the way we are not given the tools to be fully sexual.

And if I'm committed to be in touch with my sexiness why wouldn't I be committed to be in touch with my sadness? Why couldn't I love my sadness the same way that I loved the curve of my hips? After all, sadness is a part of me and a messenger. So I decided to be open to my sadness the way that I am open to my orgasm.

I sat down and remembered other times that I had been this sad. The sadness didn't last forever even when I thought it would. Eventually deep sadness when allowed to simply hang out until it's heals - leaves.

I have come to realize that my sadness truly is a messenger and a guide post. My sadness just like my sexiness wants to be heard. Sadness does not want to be buried, or covered over. It wants attention and loving presence and honesty. I get it. Sadness makes me incredibly uncomfortable, like my cat who enjoys sitting on my chest in the middle of the night. It can be heavy and make me feel my heart beat. Sadness can tighten my throat and shorten my attention span. Sadness can make me walk in circles and seek out remedies because I am sure at time that sadness will break me. But it doesn't.

Sadness requires my own compassion for me. It demands my time and attention.

Sadness is how I grow wings and embrace my own power.

I feel like I need to permission sadness just the way I permission sexiness.

You can even be sexy and sad. Take it in and live your sadness. Allow it to have it's way with you. After all, it's like a fever isn't it? You toss and turn with it. So sweat it out until the last bit of it is laying on your sheets.

When you are done, the sadness so ripe and hot will feel different. You will see the world differently. You may make different decisions, if you let your sadness have it's way with you instead of making deals to make the sadness go away.

Sadness is the opportunity for change and can bring you up close and personal again with our desires and our truth. You know the questions: Who am I? What do I really want? And what is getting in the way? You may decide to make a U Turn in your life. You may decide to walk away from something big. You may decide to stay no matter what anyone else in your life thinks about your choices. Perhaps your sadness is giving you the opportunity and the forward motion to change.

Just be with it.

Sadness can be opportunity.

And when it is time for sadness to make it's exit. Blow it a kiss. And thank your sadness for coming. I am sure that it's time was filled with gifts.

Are You a Part of The Ten Percent?

February 7, 2014 Pamela Madsen

Dear Shameless Beauty; Yesterday, I arrived in Seattle. I like to make a pit stop here and visit friends before I head to Victoria, BC. I am on my way to the February "Back to The Sensuous Retreat for Women". I got to share simple pleasures that are not so simple. Intimacy, laughter, and friendship.

Loving sacred community with all it's messiness and vulnerability. I have a soft spot in my heart for Seattle. Today is a day of 'more to come'. And it got me thinking. You see, I got to my day by sharing sharing "lotus lift meditation" with a girlfriend. What followed was a deep, sweet knowing conversation with another woman who knows what it is, and what it takes to have a relationship with one's own pussy as a life force energy.

Here's the truth ladies: having a relationship with your own pussy and through her your own erotic creature is a practice.

I am past 40, did the menopause thing, and I'm living a more sexually alive life than I ever had before.

It's all getting hotter - all the time. It's not about the hormones. I don't take any.

It's not about having socially acceptable body - I don't think I have one of those either.

It's not about so much that we are led to believe it's all about.

It's possible to have this by staying in connection with you own body which can be as simple as learning to hold your own pussy when you go to sleep at night, and wake up in the morning.

Learning to cultivate an ability to listen to and speak to your own genitals. And sometimes, that means being compassionate and bringing our genitals along to the party even when she doesn't really feel like it.

With some loving attention, our bodies can restore and come alive in ways that you cannot even imagine. I don't care where you are right now in your relationship sexuality. You can have more. I can have more. This is like our relationship with our own hearts. We can always uncover more and expand.

We just have to commit to start exactly where we are. I work with all kinds of women, and the women who commit to living a sexually alive life and are willing to practice even when they are not in the mood - are tapping into an energy in their body which is extraordinary.

I have begun to call these women "the ten percent". Because it's only about ten percent of the women who I come in contact with who are willing to truly go there, and keep going there. They are the ones who don't put stories and obstacles in their own way. The ones who think they have to lose weight first. Or figure out how to speak to their partners. Or believe that they don't have the money for this. There are so many obstacles that are really excuses for our own fear.

Perhaps it's the fear that if you try - it won't work. Perhaps it the fear that connecting to your own body will change your life. Then what?

Having a relationship with your own pussy IS huge. You are right.

And it's not only about having sex with another being. It is about how we are able to use arousal/sexual energy as a tool in our every day lives.

That's revolutionary.

Are you ready to start your own revolution? Start just where you are, and say hello to your genitals.

Loving you from here,

Pamela

My Little Round Belly

February 2, 2014 Pamela Madsen

Recently, I spent a "VIP Day" with a client. We got naked together trying on lingerie because that was a part of what she wanted to do with me! Shop and play with lingerie. The best conversation of the day went like this: Client: "Wow. I feel so much better about my body now." Pamela: "What shifted for you?" Client: "Well, you have a little round belly. Just like me. And if YOU can have that and be this sexy, and this vibrant and desirable - then it's really okay for me to have that too!" Women healing body shame together. Priceless.

That interaction is what inspired me to create the Korean Spa Day and expand it to Seattle and the NYC area - because it's not just the fabulous intimate sexuality and intimacy coaching that is so valuable. It's not just the fun and the laughter and the pleasure of a body scrub massage, hot pools, steam and delicious food. It's being naked together that is so healing.

I hope if you live near Seattle or NJ that you will join me and my little round belly. To learn more about my Girls Day Out at the Korean Spa in Seattle or NJ - please go here!

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Join Pamela For a "Girls Day Out" at The Korean Spa in NJ and Seattle!

February 1, 2014 Pamela Madsen

Dear Shameless Beauty, The journey began for me at a day out with the girls at a Korean Spa. A day of getting naked and soaking in hot tubs with the girls. Getting scrubbed from top to bottom, meditating in fabulous crystal rooms and eating amazing Korean food. It's the ultimate "Girl's Day Out".

Now imagine doing this with me and a small group of like minded women! Do you like to laugh? Play? Talk about sex?

We will do all of that during our day together. And I will make sure that we take on:

Exercising our "wanting muscle"

Exploring our "Pleasure Ceilings"

Body Image and Sexuality

Speaking Our Desires

Creating a Pleasure Plan and Pleasure Manifesto

Sexological Body Work

Organic Orgasm

The Power of Arousal

Sex Magic

Relationships, Intimacy, Marriage and Dating

Fifty Shades of Grey Sex

And I will answer all of your intimate questions.

Details: Date: Friday, March 7th, 2014 at King Spa 321 Commercial Avenue, Palisades Park, NJ

OR Friday, February 21st at Olympus Spa, Lynnwood WA

Time: 10:00 am to 5pm

The day includes:

Entry fee to Spa and access to all facilities

Massage and scrub

Foot massage or Alternate Treatment

Lunch

Snacks

And of course Pamela full on teaching, laughing and supporting you! Come retreat with me for the day, and get ready for the weekend in an entirely new way.

Imagine us playing, taking on the big and small stuff soaking in the pools, playing in the showers, sharing pleasure and possibility together.

Spots are limited: For more information and to hold your place - Please email Pamela at Pamela@backtothebody.org and put Shameless Girls Day Out in the subject line!

Are You "Performing" Sexy or "Being" Sexy?

January 31, 2014 Pamela Madsen

I feel inspired to write this morning after reading a blog on Huffington Post entitled; "Are You Too Old to be Hot?" I'm just over the cusp of 50, and I'm sexy. The kind of sexy that flows out from my skin in this deep inside of me place that has a fire blazing out into the world that has nothing to do with "hot flashes". My orgasms are bigger and over flowing (when I was younger I thought that I was too sensitive for more than one - or that my pleasure had a ceiling) into multiples of multiples. I take up erotic space, which means that people tend to notice me when I walk into a room. And it doesn't scare me. I know that I am safe in my own body, because I trust my own ability to hold my own boundaries. Therefore, I can simply relax and enjoy the pleasure of sensual attention. Flirting is fun and a newly found sport that I love to play.

Younger men and older men flirt with me, and send out the vibes that they want me. It's fun to feel this sexy and have my pheromones speak to the world. These feelings are playful and contribute to my own feelings of aliveness and happiness.

When I was 20, 30 and even 40 - I questioned my beauty and my sexiness. I compared myself to everyone instead of feeling who I was inside myself as a sexual being. I was thinner, firmer and probably more physically luscious at 20 than I am in my fifties. Like most of us at a younger age - or even now - I never saw my own beauty and sexiness even though it is clearly reflected in the photographs of me. I think that's because I was "performing sexy" not "being sexy.

And that is the key. Sexy is a feeling. And we can feel sexy at any age and in any body of any type. Really. You don't have to change on the outside to BE sexy. And what I have found, is that people who feel sexy ARE sexy at any age or body type.

What if you notice that you are "Performing" sexy instead of "Being" sexy. How do you quit the show and start actually becoming the hot sexy creature you want to be? It's a practice. We need to practice feelings in order to get our body to begin to "be" on its own. It's a big part of what I coach women on in my coaching practice. The ancient practices of connecting to our power source. So many women turn it off because they are told that those feelings are wrong - yet they are trained to put on all the performance attributes of sexy to attract mates. It's very confusing stuff. Don't feel erotically hot, but look it so that you can attract a mate! Really? Really.

Now I am not posting this so you can say; "Well screw her. Goody for her! So glad for Pamela". Which you might....

I am posting this blog because I think we can all of this. I don't think I am special here. Remember: Sexy is a feeling!

And if you are not feeling it - you can again. I totally believe that. I reclaimed my sexy at age 43 and I kept reclaiming it! I reclaim my sexy every damn day - and it only gets better!

Sexy is a practice.

So how do you get started?

Tips For Reconnecting to Sexy:

1. Start touching yourself. That's right - start touching your own genitals. While self pleasuring is always good, I am not talking about active masturbation. I am talking about pussy holding and comforting. Pussy holding and connecting to your arousal. Watch this video on the "Arousal Principle".

2. Start looking at your obstacles to pleasure.

3. Learn to speak your desires!

4. Understanding "Anticipation" as a key to living a turned on life.

I hope that these videos and tips are helpful.

How Do You Want To Feel?

January 29, 2014 Pamela Madsen

I spend a lot of time talking to woman about their core erotic desires and how they are able to bring them forward into their lives. What if we also bring in our core desired feeling? What is it that you really want to feel in your life? Can you name them? Mine are Creativity, feelings of being in communion (intimacy/communication), Belonging, Being wanted, Desire, Play, Abundance and Collaboration.

I love experiencing these core desired feelings in my life. They often come to me in different forms, just like my core erotic desires. If we don't take the time to explore them, welcome them into our lives, not judge them, and treat them with compassion - we may be losing out on joy.

And who wants to miss joy?

The Thrill of Uncertainty; The Comfort of Stability

January 25, 2014 Pamela Madsen

I'm pondering relationship this morning. Falling in love is simple; one has only to yield to the passion. Digesting another person, however, and sustaining love AND the erotic is bloody work, and not a soft job. Intimacy turns into familiarity. Passion into being the ever present air that you breathe. You are necessary but not always noticed. But just try holding your breath. Do we really have to leave in order to be noticed? How do you desire, hunger for, and want what you already have?

The key may be in the balance of the thrill uncertainty and the comfort of stability as author, Esther Perel (Mating in Captivity) loves to state. And you can create these experiences in your life - whether you are partnered or not (Yes, single people want this too - in their relationship to themselves or in their dating lives).

The key is creating these opportunities for uncertainty. Suspending the need to know what will happen - and jumping. And for some of us that may mean doing it with our partner or trusted experts to provide the stability in all of that exciting uncertainty!

That is why I have created retreats for women and couples along with my partners at "Back to The Body".

When we are partnered, the need to create excitement, adventure and uncertainty can be tricky without threatening the stability of the relationship. A private sensuous couple's retreat can provide all of these elements for a couple to touch that spark again.

The same can be true for single women for are craving excitement and uncertainty in their own erotic lives and it is not showing up in a way that feels stable or safe to them. Attending a "Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreat for Women" and traveling to Victoria, BC for our core program or Tuscany to be with us in our Villa can also provide the same incredible sexy thrill of erotic adventure while reconnecting them to their own sensuous energy.

Sometimes, it can be as simple and as crazy as attending a retreat around sexuality to create the magic and thrill of uncertainty while knowing that you are ultimately in a stable environment. Kinda like swinging on a trapeze and knowing their is a net underneath you!

Want to talk about it? Send me an email at Pamela@backtothebody.org and I would be happy to discuss creating a thrilling, sexy adventure for you and your beloved whether that is another human being - or your beautiful self!

Want to work with me?